Tia has Puppies

Whilst doing a spot of dogsitting for a friend I had an unexpected surprise. Tia decided to have her puppies the first night I was looking after her.

All the puppies are doing well. Here is a video I have uploaded to youtube.

(Bruno Mars) Just The Way You Are - Sungha Jung

Bob Dylan Quotes

A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom.

A lot of people can't stand touring but to me it's like breathing. I do it because I'm driven to do it.

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.

A mistake is to commit a misunderstanding.

A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.

A poem is a naked person... Some people say that I am a poet.

A song is anything that can walk by itself.

All I can do is be me, whoever that is.

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

At times in my life the only place I have been happy is when I am on stage.

Basically you have to suppress your own ambitions in order to be who you need to be.

Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.

Being on tour is like being in limbo. It's like going from nowhere to nowhere.

But even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked.

Chaos is a friend of mine.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

Democracy don't rule the world, You'd better get that in your head; This world is ruled by violence, But I guess that's better left unsaid.

Don't matter how much money you got, there's only two kinds of people: there's saved people and there's lost people.

He not busy being born is busy dying.

I accept chaos, I'm not sure whether it accepts me.

I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay.

I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.

I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.

I don't think the human mind can comprehend the past and the future. They are both just illusions that can manipulate you into thinking theres some kind of change.

I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings. And I've never been too impressed.

I like America, just as everybody else does. I love America, I gotta say that. But America will be judged.

I say there're no depressed words just depressed minds.

I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.

I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.

I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.

I'm just glad to be feeling better. I really thought I'd be seeing Elvis soon.

I'm speaking for all of us. I'm the spokesman for a generation.

I've never written a political song. Songs can't save the world. I've gone through all that.

If I wasn't , I'd probably think that has a lot of answers myself.

In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

In the dime stores and bus stations, people talk of situations, read books, repeat quotations, draw conclusions on the wall.

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky.

People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.

People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around - the music and the ideas.

Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.

The radio makes hideous sounds.

There is nothing so stable as change.

This land is your land and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by those that never listen to music anyway.

To live outside the law, you must be honest.

Well, the future for me is already a thing of the past.

What good are fans? You can't eat applause for breakfast. You can't sleep with it.

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.

When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?

Yesterday's just a memory, tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be.

You learn from a conglomeration of the incredible past - whatever experience gotten in any way whatsoever.

Julian Assange is arrested in London

Julian Assange has been arrested in London relating to allegations of sexual misconduct in Sweden. Depending on which websites you read you get different stories. Some sites accuse him of rape and others suggest that the charges are purely political and that he is merely accused of "Sex by Surprise" where the sex was consensual but unprotected.

Julian Assange the face of Wikileaks has come under increasing attack since releasing highly sensitive documents which have embarrassed political institutions and leaders the world over. These documents have outraged individuals on both sides with some people branding Mr Assange a terrorist and others expressing their anger at the classified documents leaked from the United States.

Having had a look on facebook I am unable to find any groups with a negative feelings toward Assange and hundreds of groups expressing their admiration for his cause.

I would be interested to know what my blog visitors think of Mr Assange and Wikileaks - you can complete my poll on the right hand side of this post.

Blog Traffic Spike.

Yesterday I checked my blog traffic and saw that I had had two of my best days ever. Traffic has almost trebled and stayed this way for a few days now. 

In addition to this, I have now had my first Chinese visitor and have had visitors from over half the countries of the world.

United States United Kingdom Canada Germany Australia Philippines Brazil Hungary Netherlands Sweden Italy Ireland Poland India Norway Denmark France Mexico Spain Czech Republic Turkey Greece Finland Portugal Singapore Austria New Zealand Romania Russia Malaysia Belgium Croatia Argentina Switzerland Indonesia Bulgaria Israel Serbia Slovakia Slovenia Ukraine Pakistan (not set) South Africa Sri Lanka Vietnam Hong Kong Puerto Rico Colombia Thailand Chile South Korea United Arab Emirates Japan Egypt Lithuania Saudi Arabia Cyprus Peru Belarus Estonia Uruguay Malta Georgia Latvia Trinidad and Tobago Taiwan Iceland Jamaica Moldova Lebanon Macedonia [FYROM] Venezuela Kenya Guam Albania Brunei Iran Bosnia and Herzegovina Guatemala Jersey Nigeria Costa Rica Ghana Montenegro Uganda Tunisia Dominican Republic Mauritius Algeria El Salvador Jordan Angola Paraguay Maldives China Barbados Honduras Guyana Haiti Iraq Grenada Monaco Ecuador Bahrain Panama Azerbaijan Libya Saint Vincent and the Grenadines Bhutan Netherlands Antilles Kazakhstan Cameroon Bahamas Kuwait Luxembourg

Bob Marley Quotes

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."


"Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!"

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

"None but ourselves can free our minds."

"One love, one heart, one destiny."

"love the life you live.
live the life you love."

"Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet."

"The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively"


"Don't Gain The World & Lose Your Soul, Wisdom Is Better Than Silver Or Gold."

"The good times of today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow."

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!"

"Wake up and live "

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.
None but ourselves can free our minds."

"Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright"

"When one door is closed, don't you know that many more are open"

"The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?"

"Judge not unless you judge yourself"

"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction."

"Live for yourself and you will live in vain;
Live for others, and you will live again."

"Love would never leave us alone"

"You have to be someone."

"Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen. "

"Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight."

"My fear is my only courage"

"Though the road's been rocky it sure feels good to me."

"My music will go on forever. Maybe it's a fool say that, but when me know facts me can say facts. My music will go on forever."

"I don't stand for black mans side, I don't stand for white mans side, I stand for Gods side."

"One Love, One Heart, Let's get together and feel alright
"

"You can't find the right roads when the streets are paved."

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She's loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either & the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking of you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she know's you can break: her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

"Overcome the devils with a thing called love. "

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."

"There will never be no love at all."

"Me only have one ambition, y'know. I only have one thing I really like to see happen. I like to see mankind live together - black, white, Chinese, everyone - that's all."

"Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life."


"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?"

"When the race gets hard to run. It means you just can't take the peace."

"Life and Jah are one in the same. Jah is the gift of existence. I am in some way eternal, I will never be duplicated. The singularity of every man and woman is Jah's gift. What we struggle to make of it is our sole gift to Jah. The process of what that struggle becomes, in time, the Truth."

"Love the life you live, live the life you love."

"Herb is the unification of mankind."

"Ziggy, when you go up bring me up and when you go down don't let me down. Stephen, Money can't buy you life."

"If you get down and you quarrel everyday, you're saying praises to the devil, I say."


"The best thing about music is that when it hits you, you feel no pain."


"The stone that the builder refused shall be the head corner stone."

"The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?

"In this bright future you can't forget your past."


"tell me what you think it means."


"Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!"


"Until the philosophy which hold one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned...
Everything is war. Me say war.
That until the're no longer 1st class and 2nd class citizens of any nation...
Until the color of a man's skin is of
no more significa...nce than the color of his eyes, me say war. That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race me say war!"

"Bob Marley isn't my name. I don't even know my name yet."

"When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself."

"Lively Up Yourself"

"Don't give up the fight,
Stand up for your rights."

"Everytime I plant a seed,he say kill it before it grow, he say kill it before they grow."

"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny"

"I'n'I nah come to fight flesh and blood,
But spiritual wickedness in 'igh and low places.
So while they fight you down,
Stand firm and give Jah thanks and praises.
'Cos I'n'I no expect to be justified
by the laws of men - by the laws of men.
Oh, true they have found me guilty,
But through - through Jah proved my innocency."

"Love the life you Live. Live the life you LOVE."

"Tell the children the truth."

"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living ?"

"Os homens pensam que possuem uma mente, mas é a mente que os possui. Há pessoas que amam o poder, e outras que tem o poder de amar"

"When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open"

"I've been here before and will come again, but I'm not going this trip through."

"My future is righteousness."

"live the life you love, love the life you live"


"Quando você acha q sabe todas as perguntas vem à vida e muda todas as respostas"

"Man is a universe within himself."

"My music fights against the system that teaches to live and die."

"good times of today, are the bad thoughts of tom."

"until the end of the world,all whys will be answered,but now,you can only ask!"

"a pot a cook but the food na kno"

Zoidberg Quotes

"Futurama: Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love? (#2.9)" (2000)
[Dr. Zoidberg is preparing to look for a mate]
Dr. Zoidberg: How do I look?
Bender: Like whale barf.
Dr. Zoidberg: Then the illusion is complete.

[Zoidberg is trying to attract a mate]
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
Female: Keep your jelly away from my eggs.
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
Female: [Valley Girl accent] I'm SO not interested.
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw?
Female: [Black woman accent] Hmph. I've heard THAT line before.

Edna: I heard you went off and became a rich doctor.
Dr. Zoidberg: [proudly] I've performed a few mercy killings.

[Fry is being Zoidberg's Cyrano]
Fry: Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.
Dr. Zoidberg: [calling to Edna] You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?
Edna: [pleased] Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

[Zoidberg has caught Fry in bed with Edna, a lobster alien]
Dr. Zoidberg: [enraged] Fry. I challenge you to "clawplach".
Fry: English, please?
Dr. Zoidberg: A fight to the death.
Edna: And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.
[Fry pauses to think it over, then screams]

Fry: Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?
Dr. Zoidberg: Ask her to mate with me.
Fry: No, tell her she's special.
Dr. Zoidberg: But she's not, she's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.
Fry: Well, tell her that. And then?
Dr. Zoidberg: Then mating.
Fry: No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
[Dr. Zoidberg raises his hand]
Fry: Yes?
Dr. Zoidberg: Is desire to mate a feeling?
Fry: Ugh, you're not even trying.
Dr. Zoidberg: Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies.

Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
Fry: Tough call.

Dr. Zoidberg: This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it.

Dr. Zoidberg: I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion I have never felt before. Is it love when you care for a female for reasons beyond mating?
Fry: Nope. Must be some weird, alien emotion.

Dr. Zoidberg: The frenzy is over. How am I going to get rid of my male jelly now?
Fry: [Waves dismembered arm] I'll lend you this.

Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, it's been years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species, fatal or non-fatal?

Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational!
Dr. Zoidberg: Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!
Leela: Aww.

Fry: Don't worry. The Lovemeister will take you under his wing.
Dr. Zoidberg: What? Now there's a bird involved?

Dr. Zoidberg: I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.
[picks up a hermit crab]
Dr. Zoidberg: Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?
[eats crab]

Leela: It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast.
Dr. Zoidberg: Love? That word is unknown here. I'm just looking for a female swollen with eggs who will accept my genetic material.
Fry: You and me both, brother!

Fry: [Fry is telling Zoidberg what to say to Edna, a female] Tell her you just want to talk, it has nothing to do with mating!
Dr. Zoidberg: [calling] I just want to talk, it has nothing to do with mating!
[to Fry]
Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, that doesn't make sense!
Edna: [calling] Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense! But OK.

Dr. Zoidberg: I want the tactile pleasure in cutting him here...
[points his claw at Fry's neck]
Dr. Zoidberg: ...in the gonads.
Fry: [to crowd] Shhhhhh. Nobody correct him.

Fry: Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?
Dr. Zoidberg: Ask her to mate with me.
Fry: No, tell her she's special.
Dr. Zoidberg: But she's not, she's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs.
Fry: Well, tell her that. And then what?
Dr. Zoidberg: Then mating.
Fry: No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
[Dr. Zoidberg raises his hand]
Fry: Yes?
Dr. Zoidberg: Is desire to mate a feeling?
Fry: Ugh, you're not even trying.
Dr. Zoidberg: Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies.

Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
Fry: Man, tough call.

[Zoidberg is trying to attract a mate]
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
Female Decapodian: Keep your jelly away from my eggs.
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw.
Female Decapodian: [Valley Girl accent] I'm *so* not interested.
Dr. Zoidberg: [screeching] Craw?
Female Decapodian: [urban accent] Hmph. I've heard *that* line before.

"Futurama: A Taste of Freedom (#5.4)" (2002)
Dr. Zoidberg: I wonder what the shroud of Turin tastes like.

Fry: Wow! Nude hot-tubbing - that's all I need to hear about Freedom Day!
Dr. Zoidberg: Then consider the following lecture a bonus.

[On the run from Earth authorities after eating the flag]
Dr. Zoidberg: My planet's embassy? Why, they'd pay to not kill me!

Dr. Zoidberg: Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression is smutzing up our freedom lesson?
Ambassador Moivin: Ah, take a pill, Zoidberg!

Leela: Dr. Zodberg - how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?
Dr. Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Fry: So what is Freedom Day? Sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.
Dr. Zoidberg: No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day!
Amy Wong: If you wanna do something, you do it, and to splick with the consequences.
Bender: You know, like how I live every day.
[trips up Hermes]
Hermes Conrad: Happy Freedom Day! Ow, I think I broke my wrist.

Dr. Zoidberg: I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Dr. Zoidberg: I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

Leela: Dr. Zoidberg - how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?
Dr. Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

"Futurama: Parasites Lost (#3.4)" (2001)
Hermes Conrad: [Cruising around Fry's muscles] Soon he'll be stronger and more flexible than Hercules and Gumby combined!
Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? I love that guy!

[after shrinking down to microscopic size in order to enter Fry's body, Zoidberg comes in riding a sperm]
Dr. Zoidberg: Yippy ki yay. Guess where I've been.

[Zoidberg scrapes cholesterol off Fry's artery]
Dr. Zoidberg: It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Dr. Zoidberg: We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.
[Fry opens his mouth]
Dr. Zoidberg: Guess again.

Bender: Where are we? The ass?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle.
Dr. Zoidberg: Where the food is digested.

[Fry has been impaled by a lead pipe and is seeing Zoidberg for help]
Dr. Zoidberg: Ah, here's the hypochondriac. What seems to be the trouble now?
Fry: My lead pipe hurts.
Dr. Zoidberg: Perfectly normal. Next!

Amy Wong: Look! They're jazzercising Fry's muscles.
Hermes Conrad: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.
Dr. Zoidberg: Gumercules? I love that guy!

"Futurama: That's Lobstertainment! (#3.8)" (2001)
Waiter: What can I get you gentlemen?
Dr. Zoidberg: Is bread free?
Waiter: Yeah.
Dr. Zoidberg: We'll split an order.

Calculon: Let me see the script.
[after reading for a second]
Calculon: No, I don't like the font. Wait. "Harold Zoid". Was this written by 'the' Harold Zoid?
Dr. Zoidberg: Written and Xeroxed.

Bender: That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.
Dr. Zoidberg: Bender, you said 'wink, wink' out loud.
Bender: No I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Dr. Zoidberg: What category are they on?
Bender: They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to Writing.

Harold Zoid: So, you want to be a comedian, is it?
Dr. Zoidberg: It's my life long dream.
Harold Zoid: Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented. That's why you're perfect for drama.

Calculon: Let me see the script.
[after reading for a second]
Calculon: No, I don't like the font. Wait. "Harold Zoid". Was this written by 'the' Harold Zoid ?
Dr. Zoidberg: Written and Xeroxed.

Waiter at Elzars: What can I get you?
Dr. Zoidberg: Is bread free?
Waiter at Elzars: Yes.
Dr. Zoidberg: We'll split an order.

"Futurama: Anthology of Interest I (#2.20)" (2000)
Dr. Zoidberg: [sees a guinea pig on a plate] What's this? Two meals in one week?
[Zoidberg devours the live guinea pig, and is trapped behind a glass box]
Fry: Gotcha!
Amy Wong: Sucker!
Dr. Zoidberg: Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!

Dr. Zoidberg: So, anteater number one. Are you covering for someone? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name!
[Anteater makes noise]
Dr. Zoidberg: What? How do you spell that?

Fry: What are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wienner?
Dr. Zoidberg: If that's his pizza, then I'm I.C. whatever.

Dr. Zoidberg: My next clue came at 4:15, when the clock stopped. The next clue came two hours later, at 4:15, when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Dr. Zoidberg: Police. Bah! Nosy meddlers. It so happens that I have mail order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot!

Leela: Okay, just try to be nonchalant.
[Enters whistling nonchalantly]
Dr. Zoidberg: All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

Dr. Zoidberg: So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it! Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?
[destroys Chase Manhattan Bank building]
Dr. Zoidberg: Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open mike night, eh? I'll show you!
[crushes Apollo Theater]

"Futurama: Xmas Story (#2.8)" (1999)
Dr. Zoidberg: You, a bobsledder? This I gotta see.
Hermes Conrad: Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders.
Fry: Yup, I remember. They came last in the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.
Hermes Conrad: A true inspiration for the children.

Dr. Zoidberg: What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb?
[reads card]
Dr. Zoidberg: Heh, heh. Instead of "Claus," he writes "Claws." Now that's humorous! Today's comedians could learn from this card.

[singing]
Amy Wong: He knows when you are sleeping.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can.
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass / From here to Pakistan.
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh...
Hermes Conrad: You better not breathe / You better not move
Bender: You're better off dead, / I'm tellin' you, dude.
Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.
Fry: Yeah!
Leela: Great idea!
Dr. Zoidberg: One can only hope.

Leela: Fry's outside? He's in great danger!
Dr. Zoidberg: Why?
Leela: I'm telling you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town!

Santa Claus Robot: You have all been very naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
Dr. Zoidberg: A pogo stick!

"Futurama: A Clone of My Own (#2.15)" (2000)
Dr. Zoidberg: I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.
[pause]
Dr. Zoidberg: [to Drummer] Hey, Ringo. That was the joke. Oh, it's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

Dr. Zoidberg: Good evening, ladies and germs.
[rimshot]
Dr. Zoidberg: That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: So many loves half-loved. So many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back fifteen years.
Dr. Zoidberg: If only it'd work, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

Fry: Sorry to disappoint you, but need I remind you?: blood is thicker than water.
Dr. Zoidberg: [writting] Blood... thicker?... water.

Cubert J. Farnsworth: As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew, if it can so be called. First of all, "Doctor" Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?
Dr. Zoidberg: I lost it... in a volcano.

"Futurama: Raging Bender (#2.12)" (2000)
[Hermes is under the control of a brain slug, which is attached to his head]
Hermes Conrad: On to new business. Today's mission is for all of you to go to the brain slug planet.
Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
Hermes Conrad: Just walk around not wearing a helmet.

Fry: [at the movie theater] Cool let's see this one!
[points to "Galaxy Wars"]
Leela: Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about 'Quizblorg, Quizblorg.'
Amy Wong: Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.
Dr. Zoidberg: Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? "Planet of the Clams": It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.
Bender: Who invited you? Let's just see "All My Circuits: The Movie."
[all mumble in agreement]
Bender: Good point, Bender!

Dr. Zoidberg: I'm going to a movie, with friends!

Dr. Zoidberg: [ecstatic] I'm going to a movie... with FRIENDS.

[Hermes is under the control of a brain slug, which is attached to his head]
Hermes Conrad: On to new business. Today's mission is to go to the brain slug planet.
Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
Hermes Conrad: Nothing. Just walk around not wearing a helmet.

"Futurama: The Deep South (#2.16)" (2000)
[Dr. Zoidberg's underwater home has burned down]
Dr. Zoidberg: My home! It burned down! How did this happened?
Hermes Conrad: That's a very good question.
Bender: [picking a lit cigar from the ashes] So that's where my cigar was.
Hermes Conrad: That just raises further questions!

Leela: It's pulling us under. Everybody inside.
Dr. Zoidberg: Wait, I'll save us all by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.
[tries to break the filament, but it won't break]
Dr. Zoidberg: At least I'll die with all my friends.
[notices everyone has gone inside]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hello?

Dr. Zoidberg: [Wearing a giant conch shell] Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner.

[while fishing, Leela pulls in her line to find Dr. Zoidberg holding a boot on the end]
Leela: Oh, Dr. Zoidberg. Since when do you even wear boots?
Dr. Zoidberg: I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, you can't stay here. Sure, they have the Braves, but it's a third-rate symphony.

"Futurama: Roswell That Ends Well (#4.1)" (2001)
President Truman: [Roswell, circa 1947] If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
Dr. Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is, I'm meeting new people.
President Truman: Bushwah! Now what's your mission? Are you planning on making some kind of alien-human hybrid?
Dr. Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?
President Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that.
Dr. Zoidberg: [coyly] I'm not hearing a no...

Dr. Zoidberg: [as a scientist is sawing at something during an autopsy] Don't cut that! I need that to speak!
[the scientist looks at his colleague, starts sawing faster]

Scientist: [an autopsy on Zoidberg is taking place] Heart.
Dr. Zoidberg: Take, I've got four of them!
Scientist: Stomach contents: One deviled egg.
Dr. Zoidberg: Deviled egg?
[eats it from the tray]
Scientist: [pause] The same deviled egg.

Dr. Zoidberg: The President is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Dr. Zoidberg: There... Good as new.
Leela: Don't you need this one?
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, no! That's my...
[He coughs, grasps his throat and falls]
Dr. Zoidberg: [Rising up again] Gotcha!
[Leela glares at Zoidberg and throws Organ away]

"Futurama: My Three Suns (#1.7)" (1999)
Fry: [Fry struggles to cry and fails] It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.
Bender: I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.
Fry: Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.
Bender: Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
Fry: These things happen.
Bender: Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!
Fry: Phew, that's a load off my mind
Bender: Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.
Amy Wong: You did your best, Bender.
Bender: Up yours, bimbo!
[Amy cries]
Dr. Zoidberg: Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.
Bender: Cram it, lobster!
[Zoidberg cries]

Amy Wong: Is this salt water?
Bender: It's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.
Fry: My vision's fading! I think I'm gonna die!
Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
Dr. Zoidberg: Uh oh. I shouldn't have had seconds.

Dr. Zoidberg: A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

Amy Wong: I don't think you have anything to worry about. These people seem pretty mild-mannered.
Dr. Zoidberg: They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now.
Gorgak: You've touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Dr. Zoidberg: Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge, separating out the denser fluid of his highness.
Fry: But won't that crush my bones?
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones...

"Futurama: Bendin' in the Wind (#3.13)" (2001)
Dr. Zoidberg: It's toe-tappingly tragic.

Fry: Get your love beads here! You can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads!
Hippie #1: Wow, look at all the colors. These'll go great with my soul.
Dr. Zoidberg: Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently.
Hippie #2: I'll trade you a bad poem!

Bender: Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge!
Turanga Leela: And I forgot this isn't a hovercar!
Fry: Is any of that a problem?
Dr. Zoidberg: Not if you've lived a life without regret!

Dr. Zoidberg: [the gang is doing laundry] Bad news, friends. My shell ran.
[All the clothes are covered in pink swirls]
Amy Wong: Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit! It's... It's...
Turanga Leela: Kinda cool.
Fry: Yeah, I like it.
Amy Wong: Me too, now that I'm used to it.
Dr. Zoidberg: Then it was all on purpose! You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me and I'll turn on you like that!

Amy Wong: [Zoidberg is hacking into a tissue] You better not do that at the concert.
Dr. Zoidberg: I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt I get stuff in my throat.
Amy Wong: You are so disgusting! I...
[Gasps as she sees that Zoidberg is hacking up blue pearls; she takes a handful]
Amy Wong: They're beautiful!
Dr. Zoidberg: Eww, you're touching them!
Turanga Leela: I've never seen such beautiful pearls. Dr. Zoidberg, you're amazing!
Dr. Zoidberg: I am? At last, recognition!

"Futurama: The Day the Earth Stood Stupid (#3.7)" (2001)
[everyone on Earth except Fry is moronically stupid]
Fry: What are we going to do?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Duh, I know, let's play the lottery.
Amy Wong: No, let's buy internet stock.
Dr. Zoidberg: On margin. Zoidbee wants to buy on margin.
Hermes Conrad: [holding a board in front of his face] Look at me. I'm invisible.
Fry: Wait a minute, I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots.
Bender: Hey, let's all join the Reform party.
Everyone: Yeah.

Bender: Second place? That's a fancy word for losing.
[whips Zoidberg]
Bender: You didn't stick your landing!
Dr. Zoidberg: Forgive me, my friend?
Bender: Never!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Zooka Barooka! First prize is $500 and a lifetime supply of dog food.
Bender: $500, you say?
Dr. Zoidberg: Dog food, you say?

Fry: Doctor Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?
Dr. Zoidberg: Zoidbie want balloon! Want balloon now! Zoidbie want go outside!
Fry: But I just let you in!

[Everyone on Earth except Fry is moronically stupid]
Fry: What are we going to do?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Duh, I know, let's play the lottery.
Amy Wong: No, let's buy internet stock.
Dr. Zoidberg: On margin. Zoidbee wants to buy on margin.
Hermes Conrad: [holding a board in front of his face] Look at me. I'm invisible.
Fry: Wait a minute, I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots.
Bender: Hey, let's go join the Reform party.
Everyone: Yeah.

"Futurama: The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz (#3.9)" (2001)
Fry: What happened?
Dr. Zoidberg: All six thousand hulls have been breached.
Fry: Oh, the fools! Why didn't they build it with six thousand and one hulls? When will they learn?

Dr. Zoidberg: Now, if you'll excuse me, there is some ravioli on the floor with only two footprints on it.
[Bender passes by]
Dr. Zoidberg: Three footprints.
[Drops on floor and starts eating noisily]

Leela: Why weren't you kong donkeys outside cleaning up?
Dr. Zoidberg: They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.
Fry: You ate most of them.

Fry: No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.
Dr. Zoidberg: [Grabs comic] Ooh, the new one's out.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score (2007) (V)
Amy Wong: Look at us, living like trash-eating bums in an alley now.
Zoidberg: Yes... Now...

[everyone is huddled in a giant rock igloo on Neptune after the scammer aliens have taken over the Earth]
Bender: Rrrrr... it's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency!
Leela: What are you, a whining machine? If you want to worry about something, worry about the Yetis.
Zoidberg: Jedis?
[a chorus of howling Yetis is heard from a distance]
Zoidberg: Oh... YETIS!
Professor Farnsworth: Amy - you speak Yeti - what are they saying?
Amy Wong: I'm not sure, but it sounds like something to do with... assaulting the interlopers!
[a trio of giant Yetis smashes through the side of the rock igloo; everyone screams and scatters while Leela runs towards them]
Leela: Yeee-ah! Don't mess with me you ice-crapping snow honkys. I just got dumped!
[the Yetis flee in terror as Leela chases after them with a primitive spear]
Hermes Conrad: Sweet Yeti of the Serengeti! She's gone crazy Eddie in the heady!

[Hermes realizes that Zoidberg attached his head to his body backwards]
Hermes Conrad: You incompetent crab!
Zoidberg: I thought you were happy. Your tail is wagging.

Fry: So my copy lived 12 years longer before Bender killed him? I wonder what his life was like.
Scruffy: Hmm, I guess we'll never know.
Zoidberg: Or *will* we?
[pause]
Scruffy: Nope.
Narrator: [to audience] *They* won't know! But you *will*! Lucky you!

Futurama: Bender's Game (2008) (V)
Frydo: Why aren't you killing it, Leela? You love killing!
Leegola: [Looking at her reflection in her sword covered with Zoiberg's blood] No! No more killing!
Monster Zoidberg: Ohhhhhh! So suddenly Miss Goody Four Shoes over here doesn't kill anymore. She killed me not five minutes ago! What am I, chopped liver?
Leegola: Shut up!
[She starts slashing at him again with her sword]
Monster Zoidberg: Ow! Stop chopping my liver!

[Momon has transformed into a dragon and with the Die of Power, Frydo transforms into a dragon as well]
Frydo: So it's all come down to this... a dungeon... and dragons!
Monster Zoidberg: I didn't see it coming.

Dr. Zoidberg: You harbor resentment because they pushed you to study medicine when all you ever wanted was to be a song-and-dance man.
[He dances around and sings a tune then falls to his knees and sobs]
Dr. Zoidberg: Why? Whyyy?
Turanga Leela: I was raised in an orphanarium. My parents are sewer mutants who I never even met until a few years ago.
Dr. Zoidberg: Then you've got to go to them and work this song-and-dance stuff out. Maybe have them cook me nice dinner. No scallions. I hate them.
[to an intercom]
Dr. Zoidberg: Amy, cancel my appointments.
Amy Wong: [Over the intercom] Stop calling me!

Dr. Zoidberg: [Under attack by Bender] No! Not the spork!

"Futurama: The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings (#5.16)" (2003)
TV Advertisement: Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry play 900 of his classic themes in your own home on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only $14.99.
Dr. Zoidberg: Only $14.99 for a two-record set. Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer! Hello? I'll take eight!

[during Fry's opera]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving.
Dr. Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing!

Hedonism Bot: Less reality, more fantasy. Resume the opera.
Fry: But I can't play anymore.
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes, you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands.
[Fry plays off key, everyone boos]
Dr. Zoidberg: Your music's bad, and you should feel bad!

TV Annoucement: Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry play 900 of his classic themes in your own home on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only $14.99.
Dr. Zoidberg: Only $14.99 for a two-record set. Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer! Hello? I'll take eight!

"Futurama: Insane in the Mainframe (#3.12)" (2001)
Roberto: [Holds Zoidberg at knifepoint] Back off! I have hostages!
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! I'm helping!

Fry: Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a... a...
Dr. Zoidberg: A squid?
Fry: A human! Oh, my God, I'm a human!
Dr. Zoidberg: Also good.

Hermes Conrad: I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear employee: Has it really been five, ten, or fifteen years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of apreciation and applaud."
Dr. Zoidberg: Look, coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one. Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years! So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.
Hermes Conrad: Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!
Dr. Zoidberg: You kept track of it all these years!

Dr. Zoidberg: Fry, listen to me. Just because you say you're a robot doesn't make you a robot. Look at me. I call myself a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

"Futurama: Put Your Head on My Shoulder (#2.10)" (2000)
Hermes Conrad: Fry, Amy, put your pants on. I need to get a stapler.
Dr. Zoidberg: Stop! Stop! If you interrupt the mating dance, the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad!

Dr. Zoidberg: I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash.
Fry: How badly?
Dr. Zoidberg: That's it over there.

Dr. Zoidberg: There you are, good as new. Except for your dorsal fin. I'm afraid we couldn't find it after the crash.
Fry: Can I live without it?
Dr. Zoidberg: If you call that living.

"Futurama: I Second That Emotion (#2.5)" (1999)
Bender: Hey! I got a busted ass here and I don't see anyone kissing *it*!
Dr. Zoidberg: All right, I'm coming!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
[Professor Farnsworth adjusts the empathy chip]
Bender: My God. I'm overcome with feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.
Dr. Zoidberg: That's me, baby.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Hmmm.
[Professor Farnsworth readjusts the chip]
Bender: Now I'm worried I'm not as smart as Leela, but at the same time, I feel relieved I'm cuter than her.
Amy Wong: Uuh, that's me.
Fry: [Whispering to Amy] Thanks for covering.
Bender: This time, I miss Nibbler, and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.
Amy Wong: Bingo.
Hermes Conrad: That's Leela.

Hermes Conrad: Aw, he's holding a spoon.
Dr. Zoidberg: He's *so* talented!

"Futurama: Anthology of Interest II (#4.3)" (2002)
[the Professor is The Wizard of Oz, Zoidberg is the Cowardly Lion]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: What do you nice kids want?
Dr. Zoidberg: Nothing. I'm leaving. But if you had extra courage I'd haul it away for you, maybe.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh blithery poop, my cowardly lobster. You don't need courage. After all, who needs courage when you have a gun?

[the winged monkeys have kidnapped everyone except Zoidberg]
Dr. Zoidberg: What, do I smell or something?
[sniffs armpit]
Dr. Zoidberg: Awww...

Dr. Zoidberg: Courage. Not enough of it. Need some from what's-his-name.

"Futurama: Future Stock (#4.9)" (2002)
That Guy: There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who is a sheep?
Dr. Zoidberg: Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?
That Guy: Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.

Dr. Zoidberg: Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

Dr. Zoidberg: This company's circuling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my shares right now for a sandwich.
That Guy: Sold!
[Gives Zoidberg a sandwich and takes his shares]
Dr. Zoidberg: A complete sandwich? Ha! You got fleeced! I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

"Futurama: I Dated a Robot (#3.15)" (2001)
Bender: What is the world coming to? That Fry is a sicko poivert, I tell ya! Dating a robot... it's an attrocimacy!
Leela: But Fry is our friend, Bender.
Bender: Ah, geez! Would you stifle there, meatbag?
Leela: You stifle, Bender!
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

Dr. Zoidberg: [Fry wants to visit the edge of the universe] It's funny, you live in the universe, but you never get to do this things until someone comes to visit.

"Futurama: A Fishful of Dollars (#1.6)" (1999)
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.
Fry: Wha?
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes. Fished out of existence... just about the time your people arrived on Earth, Dr. Zoidberg.
Dr. Zoidberg: I'm not on trial here.
Fry: So, none of you have ever had anchovies? Oh, man! You don't know what you're missing. They were salty and oily and melted in your mouth...
Dr. Zoidberg: Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!

Dr. Zoidberg: That stench. That heavenly stench!
[Eats all the anchovies]
Dr. Zoidberg: More. More.
Fry: There aren't any more, and there never will be.
Dr. Zoidberg: [advances menacingly] More! More! More! *More!*

"Futurama: War Is the H-Word (#3.2)" (2000)
Nurse: Are you ready to operate, doctor?
Dr. Zoidberg: I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Dr. Zoidberg: Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!
iHawk: Geez, Zoidberg. Leave some for the enemy to kill.
Nurse: You leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you have.
iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.
[laughs]
Dr. Zoidberg: See, this is how it starts. First with the jokes, then comes the heavy stuff.
iHawk: [Turns switch from irreverent to maudlin] When will the killing end?

"Futurama: The Farnsworth Parabox (#5.10)" (2003)
Fry: Whatever is in that box, it's the only thing I ever wanted.
Dr. Zoidberg: In my experience, boxes are usually empty, or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni. What a day that was!

Turanga Leela 1: Fine, you be crummy Universe "A", and we'll be Universe "1".
Philip J. Fry 1: Yeah, or the Mongooses, that's a good team name. "The Fighting Mongooses."

"Futurama: The Luck of the Fryrish (#3.10)" (2001)
[At the horse races]
Hermes Conrad: Come on, baby needs a new pair of shoes.
Dr. Zoidberg: The hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes.

Dr. Zoidberg: So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe?
Fry: Hey, yeah! Maybe it's still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York, helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Dirt doesn't need luck.

"Futurama: Amazon Women in the Mood (#3.5)" (2001)
Dr. Zoidberg: And that's the story of how I got my new shell. It looks just like the one I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside.
[licks his lips]

Dr. Zoidberg: Well, I'm taking this old shell to the dumpster, and maybe pick up some more of those potato chips Amy threw away.
Amy Wong: Those were toe nail clipings.
Dr. Zoidberg: A feast is a feast.

"Futurama: 30% Iron Chef (#4.11)" (2002)
Dr. Zoidberg: Aw, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca.

Dr. Zoidberg: Surrender your secrets to Zoidberg.

"Futurama: Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV (#5.15)" (2003)
Fry: What kind of bozos would form a Bender protest group?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have formed a Bender protest group.
Dr. Zoidberg: That was uncanny.

Dr. Zoidberg: [arrives at Cubert's birthday party dressed as a tramp] Hey, boys and girls. It's Zoidberg, the loveable tramp.
Turanga Leela: Since when do you perform children parties?
Dr. Zoidberg: Performing? What? Can anyone spare some money to buy a pair of shoes?

"Futurama: Spanish Fry (#5.12)" (2003)
Fry: We have to track down my nose before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?
Leela: Me, Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it.
Dr. Zoidberg: No, I'm good.

Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer.
Fry: Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.
Dr. Zoidberg: Why?
Fry: 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.
Dr. Zoidberg: I can so relate to that.

"Futurama: Love and Rocket (#4.4)" (2002)
Dr. Zoidberg: [voiceover] As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray.

Dr. Zoidberg: [voice-over] As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray.

"Futurama: Love's Labours Lost in Space (#1.4)" (1999)
[Amy wants to take Leela out to cheer her up]
Amy Wong: Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.
Hermes Conrad: The Federal Sex Bureau.
Bender: A saucy puppet show.
Dr. Zoidberg: The rotting carcass of a whale.
Amy Wong: Mmmmm... I'll pick.

Dr. Zoidberg: The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

"Futurama: Where the Buggalo Roam (#4.6)" (2002)
Leo Wong: Anyway, make yourselves at home.
[Dr. Zoidberg comes downstairs wearing a bathrobe]
Dr. Zoidberg: Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Perignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

Dr. Zoidberg: I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

"Futurama: Less Than Hero (#5.6)" (2003)
Dr. Zoidberg: [Fry and Leela's muscles hurt after building the supercollider] I've got just the thing: genuine miracle cream I bought from a travelling salesman. "Come one, come all", he said, "Step right up". "This deal sounds too good to be true", I thought. He said I looked like a smart, young man. "So, is it a deal?", I enquired. Two hours later he was gone, with sixty of my dollars. But I have the miracle cream!

Turanga Leela: Let's see, which powers do we have. Super strength?
[Leela breaks a table, Fry kicks a hole in the wall]
Fry: Yep.
Turanga Leela: Lickety speed?
[they run to the other end of the room in less than a second]
Fry: Check.
Turanga Leela: Yes, sir. Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures?
Fry: Hey, Zoidberg! Get in here!
Dr. Zoidberg: Screw you!
Turanga Leela: Ain't got that.
Fry: Nope.

"Futurama: A Bicyclops Built for Two (#2.13)" (2000)
Dr. Zoidberg: [crying at the wedding] That pig has the same sandals as me.

"Futurama: The Why of Fry (#5.8)" (2003)
Fry: Delivery boy Philip J. Fry, reporting for duty.
Dr. Zoidberg: Doctor Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

"Futurama: Three Hundred Big Boys (#5.11)" (2003)
Elzar: Here you are, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.
Dr. Zoidberg: [sniffs it] Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish?
Elzar: Hey, that's what rich people eat, the garbage parts of the food.
Dr. Zoidberg: I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me 300 dollars. I'm not paying! I bid you good day, sir!

"Futurama: Hell Is Other Robots (#1.9)" (1999)
Leela: Bender, we don't mind your drinking, and your kleptomania, and your pornography ring.
Dr. Zoidberg: In fact, that's why we love you.

"Futurama: The Sting (#5.9)" (2003)
Bender: This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!
[All cheer]
Dr. Zoidberg: I should warn you. I'm a mean drunk.

"Futurama: A Flight to Remember (#2.1)" (1999)
Leela: Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.
Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?

"Futurama: How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back (#2.14)" (2000)
Hermes Conrad: [throwing mail tubes into various cubbies]
Dr. Zoidberg: [singing] They said that I shouldn't be a surgeon !
Dr. Zoidberg: [singing] They po-po'd my Electric Frankfurter!
Leela: [singing] They said I shouldn't fly with just one eye!
[She gets hit in the eye with a mail tube]
Bender: [slow and lackluster] I am Bender please insert girder.

"Futurama: A Tale of Two Santas (#4.2)" (2001)
Dr. Zoidberg: And I'm his friend, Jesus!

"Futurama: Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles (#5.7)" (2003)
Dr. Zoidberg: [devolved into a squid-like creature] Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

"Futurama: Fear of a Bot Planet (#1.5)" (1999)
Dr. Zoidberg: I'll have some squid log.
Hot Dog Vendor: Sorry, we don't serve that.
Dr. Zoidberg: Fine, then I'll have one of your young on a roll.
Hot Dog Vendor: We don't serve rolls.
Dr. Zoidberg: Fine, just give me something crawling with parasites.
[Cut to Zoidberg and the others eating hot dogs]
Fry: At least hot dogs haven't changed.

"Futurama: Time Keeps on Slipping (#3.14)" (2001)
Dr. Zoidberg: Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. YOU ALL STILL HAVE ZOIDBERG!

"Futurama: The Route of All Evil (#5.3)" (2002)
Dr. Zoidberg: What is this? Angry shouting or hearing-aid-busted shouting?
Hermes Conrad: I'm afraid it's both.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [shouting] What?

"Futurama: Proposition Infinity (#6.4)" (2010)
Dr. Zoidberg: [while inspecting Amy's engagement ring from Bender] Such a stone! Is it real?
[Amy carves a circle in Zoidberg's shell]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray!
Professor Farnsworth: Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?
Turanga Leela: Not in Space Massachusetts.
Bender: You mean Space Tax-achusetts? No chance, judge-pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!
Hermes Conrad: Ya mon! Ya got to legalize it!
Amy Wong: We're talking about robosexual marriage.
Hermes Conrad: We're talking about lots of stuff.

"Futurama: The Series Has Landed (#1.2)" (1999)
Dr. Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.
[Fry opens his mouth]
Dr. Zoidberg: No, no, not that mouth.
Fry: I only have one.
Dr. Zoidberg: Really?
Fry: Uh... is there a human doctor around?
Dr. Zoidberg: Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say "brglgrglgrrr"!
Fry: Uh... brglgrglgrglgrrr!
Dr. Zoidberg: What? My mother was a saint! Get out!

"Futurama: Bender Gets Made (#2.17)" (2000)
Dr. Zoidberg: I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated.

"Futurama: Crimes of the Hot (#5.1)" (2002)
Dr. Zoidberg: Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party, one of the most social events imaginable? Is a trap, is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots!
[pause]
Dr. Zoidberg: I don't hear any gasping.
Leela: We all figured that out.
Dr. Zoidberg: Aw.

"Futurama: Bend Her (#5.13)" (2003)
Bender: My dreams are over before they began!
Dr. Zoidberg: [happily] Welcome to my life!
[starts crying]

"Futurama: The Cryonic Woman (#3.3)" (2000)
Leela: Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.
Bender: Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to...
[Puts on the gorilla mask]
Bender: Og. Gorilla Emperor of Earth.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew.
[to Hermes, Amy and Zoidberg, who are coming out of the ship]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: So, how was your delivery to Fantasy Planet where everyone's fantasies come to life?
Amy Wong: Great.
Hermes Conrad: Organized.
Dr. Zoidberg: For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

"Futurama: Godfellas (#4.8)" (2002)
[Prof. Farnsworth is searching for Bender with his Smelloscope]
Leela: Anything yet, professor?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm afraid the Smelloscope can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's being overwhelmed by local sources.
[Everyone looks at Zoidberg]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! Now I'm the center of attention.

"Futurama: Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch (#5.5)" (2003)
[at Kif's baby shower]
Fry: Hello everyone! Everybody we invited is here.
Dr. Zoidberg: Also Zoidberg!

"Futurama: The Lesser of Two Evils (#2.11)" (2000)
Dr. Zoidberg: It's funny because it's poisonous!

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008) (V)
Dr. Zoidberg: I thought I was fighting for my freedom!
Professor Farnsworth: NO!

"Futurama: A Head in the Polls (#2.7)" (1999)
Dr. Zoidberg: You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.
Amy Wong: Pfft! Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.
Dr. Zoidberg: Really? I'd better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

"Futurama: Bendless Love (#3.6)" (2001)
Turanga Leela: [Picks up L-shaped piece of metal] This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.
Philip J. Fry: Yep.
Bender: Of course.
Amy Wong: Doy!
Hermes Conrad: It's an important unit.
Turanga Leela: And this, my friends, is the L-unit just removed from the ship.
[Unveils a straightened piece of metal; all gasp]
Philip J. Fry: That doesn't look like an L at all. Unless you count lower-case.
Bender: You know we don't!
[Slaps Fry]
Turanga Leela: Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka tough steel.
Bender: [Picks up L-unit] Hmmm, it should look like this...
[Bends into L shape]
Bender: ... but instead it looks like this.
[Straightens it out again]
Philip J. Fry: Who would do such a thing?
Bender: Who *could* do such a thing? And by that I mean this.
[Bends L-unit back and forth]
Dr. Zoidberg: Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

Big Buck Bunny - An Open Movie

This movie has been made by the Blender Foundation. What makes this movie special is that it has been released as an open source movie. This means anyone is allowed to change and use in any way this movie as long as they credit the original creators.

This movie is one of several made by the Blender Foundation to showcase what can be done with open source software.

All of the files used in the movies creation are available at the website http://www.bigbuckbunny.org/.

Theydon Building Services

Chingford Computer Services in association with Masters Of Creation have just completed work on the Theydon Building Services website.

The site has been designed using CSS and we are very pleased with its appearance. However, some of the more advanced CSS features do not display correctly in Internet Explorer 8.
The visual discrepancies between IE 8 and the other major browsers are minor and relate to curved edges and text shadows.

Spike Milligan Quotes

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

It's all in the mind, you know.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Carl Jung Quotes

A "scream" is always just that - a noise and not music.

A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.

A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.

All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Follow that will and that way which experience confirms to be your own.

Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off.

I have treated many hundreds of patients. Among those in the second half of life - that is to say, over 35 - there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.

If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.

In my case Pilgrim's Progress consisted in my having to climb down a thousand ladders until I could reach out my hand to the little clod of earth that I am.

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.

It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts.

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.

Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.

Man's task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.

Masses are always breeding grounds of psychic epidemics.

Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.

Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.

Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.

Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain.

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.

Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being. Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.

Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better.

The Christian missionary may preach the gospel to the poor naked heathen, but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.

The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown.

The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.

The man who promises everything is sure to fulfil nothing, and everyone who promises too much is in danger of using evil means in order to carry out his promises, and is already on the road to perdition.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.

The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

The wine of youth does not always clear with advancing years; sometimes it grows turbid.

The word "belief" is a difficult thing for me. I don't believe. I must have a reason for a certain hypothesis. Either I know a thing, and then I know it - I don't need to believe it.

The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

There is no coming to consciousness without pain.

Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.

Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a comprehensible darkness.

We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season of which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.

We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.

We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.

We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect. The judgement of the intellect is only part of the truth.

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.

Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and where the will to power is paramount, love is lacking. The one is but the shadow of the other.

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

Who has fully realized that history is not contained in thick books but lives in our very blood?

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Borat Quotes

[from trailer]
Borat: My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film. If it not success, I will be execute.

Borat: [while driving] Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
Borat: Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
Borat: [stops laughing] Is not good for me.

Azamat: [arguing with Borat] What's in California?
Borat: [making it up] Pearl Harbor is there. So is Texas.

Borat: What's up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.

Oxanna: [as Borat is leaving] If you cheat on me, I will snap off your cock!
Borat: [later] Sadly, I cannot go after Pamela or else my wife will snap off my cock.

Borat: Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.

Borat: You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

Dinner host: I'm calling the police!
Borat: Why you call police? The retard escape?

Borat: Go, kids! Smash the Jew chick before he hatches!

Borat: What kind of dog is this?
Zookeeper: It's a tortoise.
Borat: Is it a cat in a hat?
Zookeeper: No... it's a tortoise in a shell.

Borat: [narrating] He insist we not fly in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.

Borat: He is my neighbor Nursultan Tuliagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!

Borat: I want to have a car that attract a woman with shave down below.
Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
[starts showing Borat cars]
Car Dealership owner: We'll try to help you out here.
Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There's no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there's no-there's no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
Borat: *Hard*
Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus...
Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh... six-hundred and fifty dollars.
Car Dealership owner: We don't have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.

Borat: And what is this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese.
Borat: And what of this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And this?
Store Clerk (uncredited): That's cheese...
Borat: And what is this? Rice?
Store Clerk (uncredited): No that's cheese, this is all cheese here.
Borat: But this say "Crackers", this not cheese.
Store Clerk (uncredited): No Crackers is the brand, that's cheese...

Atlanta Teenager: What kinda music you listen to?
Borat: I like-a very much Korki Buchek. You know Korki Buchek?
[the teenagers are confused]
Borat: Bing bong bing-bong-bing, dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click* *click-click*, bing bong bing-bong-bing, dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click*...

Borat: Oh da baby!

Borat: [sees the Uzbekistan embassy in Washington DC] Hey look who has an embassy here.
[puts up his middle finger]
Borat: Hey fuck you, you motherfuckers!

Borat Sagdiyev: I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood?

Borat: Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn't follow us anymore.
Driving Instructor: Oh, I don't know.
Borat: Maybe we lose them.
Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits!
Driving Instructor: All right. We'll make a right turn up here.
Borat: Don't look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
Driving Instructor: Hey, don't do that.
Borat: You fuck my mother.
Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can't do that.
Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
Driving Instructor: You can't do that, okay? They're gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can't...
Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
Driving Instructor: You can't say that.

[last lines]
Borat: Thank you for watch my film. I hope you like. Dziekuje.

End Credits Men's Choir: Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, all other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, it's length thirty meter and width six meter. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid waste. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan, They very nosey people with bone in their brain. Kazakhstan industry best in the world, we invented toffee and trouser belt. Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region, except of course Turkmenistan's. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Come grasp the might penis of our leader from junction with the testes to tip of its face!

Borat: When you chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, you sometimes do not see what is right in front of you.

Borat: [referring to Pamela Anderson's character in "Baywatch"] This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I have ever seen. She had golden hairs, teeth as white as pearls, and the asshole of a seven-year-old. For the first time in my lifes, I was in love.

Borat: This is my country of Kazakhstan. It locate between Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan, and assholes Uzbekistan.

Borat: Gypsy, who is this woman you have shrunk?

Azamat: [points to two cockroaches] The Jews have shifted their shapes!

Borat: Does Jesus love my neighbour Nursultan Tulyiagby?
Chruch Pastor: Yes, Jesus loves everyone.
Borat: Nobody like my neighbour Nursultan Tulyiagby.
[everyone laughs]

Borat: Dis my mother. She oldest woman in village. She is 43!

Borat: Sometime my sister, she show her vazhïn to my brother Bilo and say "You will never get this you will never get it la la la la la la." He behind his cage. He cries, he cries and everybody laughs. She goes "You never get this." But one time he break cage and he "get this" and then we all laugh. High five!

Borat: I arrived in America's airport with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

Borat: We need somewhere to park our black asses for the night.

Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

Borat: I loves the Pamela Andersons.

Borat: Fuck off, Death!

Borat: Her vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard's robe.

Borat: [ogling good looking woman] Very nice, very nice! How much?

Borat: There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay. He's still asshole. I get iPod, he only get iPod Mini. Everybody know it for girls!

Borat: [holding gun at gun shop] I feel like American movie star Dirty Harold...
Borat: [pointing and aiming gun] Go ahead, make my day, Jew...

Borat: Wawaweewa!

Borat: [singing the Kazakhi national anthem to the tune of the American national anthem] Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world / All other countries are run by little girls / Kazakhstan is number-one exporter of potassium / Other Central Asian countries have inferior potassium / Kazakhstan is the greatest country in the world / All other countries is the home of the gays...

Borat: Pamela, I am no longer attracted to you anymore... NOT!

Borat: [looks for a car] I want to buy a car with pussy magnet.

Borat: I like to make sexy time!

Borat: This suit is NOT BLACK!

Borat: [referring in thought to woman speaking in feminism group] I could not concentrate on what this old man was saying.

Borat: [voiceover, referring to Azamat in Oliver Hardy outfit] I had not come to Hollywood to fight with a man dressed as Hitler.

Borat: May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman, and child in Iraq!

Azamat: [subtitled] We should go back to New York. At least there are no Jews there.

Borat: This is Urkin, the town rapist. Naughty, naughty!

Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): I'm, er... recently retired...
Borat: You are a retard?
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Er... yes...
Borat: Er... physical or mental?
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): [to Jared] Retired...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): RETIRED! I don't work anymore...
Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Stopped work...
Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): STOPPED WORKING!
Borat: [quietly across the table] Is very good you allow retard to, er...
[mumbles politely]

Borat: I will forgive Pamela, and I will go to California with my friend Mr. Jesus, AND TOGETHER WE WILL TAKE HER!

Borat: [subtitled, to the town's rapist upon farewell] Urkin, not too much raping... Humans only!

[first lines]
Borat: Jak sie masz? My name-a Borat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice!
["How are you?" in Polish]

Borat: [indicates women beside him] In my country, they would go crazy for these two.
[points to minister's wife]
Borat: This one... not so much...

Borat: High-five!

Borat: Gypsy! Give me your tears! If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!

Borat: This is Natalya.
[He kisses her passionately]
Borat: She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan.
[She holds up a trophy and smiles]
Borat: Niiice!

Borat: My moustache still tastes of your testes!

Azamat: Eat my asshole!

Borat: This my mother. She is oldest woman in ALL of Kuzçek! She is 43! I love her! Uhh... this my wife Oxanna... She is a moron...
Oxanna: What? What? What did say about me, you skinny piece of shit? Why don't you go do something useful and dig your mother a grave, you tall piece of shit!

Church Pastor: I didn't *evolve* from a monkey! I is what I is!

Borat: The only thing keeping me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and making romance explosion on her stomach.

Borat: [steps into the hotel room] Wawaweewaa! Ooh lala!
Borat: [as he sits down in hotel room chair] Oh well, King in the Castle, King in the Castle, I have a chair! Go do dis, go do dis, King in the Castle.

Borat: How's my back pussy?
Azamat: Not bad. Moist.

Azamat: [dressed as Oliver Hardy] Well that's another fine mess you've gotten me into!

Borat: Even though my anus was broken, I knew the rest of our journey would be great success.

Borat: Just dry him, no hand relief.

Bobby Rowe: Of course every picture that we get back from the terrorists or anything else; the Muslims, they look like you. Black hair and a black moustache.
Borat: Yeah.
Bobby Rowe: So shave that dadgum moustache off, so you're not so conspicuous, so you look like maybe an Italian. Or somethin'.
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: As far as from people lookin' at ya. I see a lot of people and I think "there's a dadgum Muslim, I wonder what kind of bomb he's got strapped to him".
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And you probably aren't a Muslim, maybe that's not your religion, but...
Borat: No, I am a Kazakh...
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but...
Borat: I follow the hawk.
Bobby Rowe: Yeah, but you look like one of 'em. When this thing gets over with and when we win it, and kick the butts over there...
Borat: Yes.
Bobby Rowe: And all of them son of a butts hangin' from the gallows.
Borat: [Getting excited] . Yes!
Bobby Rowe: By that time you will have proven yourself and they'll understand and you will be excepted. Take care.
Borat: Thank you.
[Tries to kiss Bobby]
Borat: .
Bobby Rowe: I ain't gonna kiss you!
Borat: [Disappointed] . A-why not?

Borat: My wife is dead?
[long pause]
Borat: High five!

Borat: My name i' Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your War of Terror.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May U.S. and A kill every single terrorist.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq.
[crowd cheers wildly]
Borat: May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.
[some of crowd still cheers]