Friday, September 02, 2011

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to other people....Who cares?"

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Ebay Customer Services

I am a Ebay shop owner and recently I had some issues with Ebay. Ebay is quite happy to take your money (often over £500 in fees per month) but its complaints resolution service is appalling.

There appear to be no UK based staff to resolve issues and the call center staff have no knowledge of UK consumer law.

A member of the Ebay staff was rude to me and lacked the ability to communicate effectively in UK English.

The complaint was made a week ago, I have phoned daily and every day I get told different things by the ebay staff.

After a week of loosing £200 per day, I am still no more informed than I was at the start of this process and my complaints have fallen upon deaf ears - no one has got back to me at all with an answer and I am no closer to getting a refund of my shop fees.

If this goes on for another week I will have no option but to take them to the small claims court.

I will keep you posted on how it goes.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Getting Healthy - time to get a personal trainer?

It's not long now till I turn 30. I know it's just a number, but it got me thinking about my lifestyle. So for the month of August I will be avoiding alcohol, tobacco and unhealthy foods. I am now 7 days in and it is going reasonably well.

In addition to that I've saved a fortune. I was shocked to find that I spent over £200 per week on these three vices. Now the question is, what to do with my new found wealth?

I have decided to take the plunge and join a gym. Having done this several times before in the past and never having kept it up - I feel a different approach is required this time. Maybe it's time to get a personal trainer?

My friend Steve has been a personal trainer for several years now and I figured he would be a good person to ask for help.

I have decided to train with Steve near Moorgate as it is relatively easy to get to for each of us and the local facilities are great.

I'll keep you posted on how I progress with the assistance of a personal trainer. If you would like more information on Steve's business and his personal training business you can find out by clicking here.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Computer Repair in Chingford

Chingford Computer Services are a computer repair business based in East London. They service all makes of PC, Mac and Laptop. They also repair mobile phones.

Most repairs cost less than £50 and can be carried out whilst you wait or in your own home.

Visit the Chingford Computer Services website for more details.

Friday, August 05, 2011

Bashar al-Assad Quotes

America is interested in re-arranging the region as it sees fit.


Armies are not only for offensives.


As far as we are concerned, we Syria have not changed.


As soon as the legitimate Lebanese government is convinced that the conditions have ripened and that Lebanon is able to maintain stability on its own... Then, the Syrian forces will return to their homeland.


But the issue has to do with land, which is our land.


Despite the ethnic diversity within each nation, the social fabric of the region by and large is one.


Hizbullah is not a militia.


Is there an equality of power between America and Iraq? Definitely not; however, the Iraqi people are standing fast and are defending their land courageously.


Israel does not care about the international public opinion.


Israel ranks her priorities in the following way: security, land, and water.


Israeli interests are not necessarily in harmony with the American interests.


It is even more so when it comes to Iraq, which is a large Arab country with scientific, material, and human resources and is able to accomplish, at the least, what Lebanon accomplished, and more.


It is natural that we should always expect an Israeli attack, even when it does not threaten.


It should be known that Israel is based on treachery.


It would be a mistake to link anything that Israel does to a certain circumstance. And it is a mistake to feel comfortable in any circumstance just because Israel did not act on it.


Lebanon was under Israeli occupation, up to its capital, but we did not consider that a disaster. Why? Because it was very clear that there are ways to resist.


No doubt that the U.S. is a super-power capable of conquering a relatively small country, but is it able to control it?

The logical thing is to implement the Arab Defense Agreement.


The most significant indicator that there is no disaster in Iraq is the fact that there is no exodus.


The problem is not the occupation, but how people deal with it.


The U.S. and Britain are incapable of controlling all of Iraq.


Today, the Iraqi citizen sees that America is coming and wants to occupy his country and kill him, and he is willing to experience for himself what happened in Palestine.


We are dealing with treachery and threats, which accompanied the establishment of Israel.


We believe that Lebanon has been the first real experience for all the Arabs.


We, in Syria, our point of view stems from our experience.


When Lebanon started its resistance it was a small and divided country.


When our interests matched, the Americans have been good to us, and when the interests differed, they wanted us to mold ourselves to them, which we refused.


When we analyze this war in a materialistic way and ask when is it going to end and who will be the winner and the loser, it means that we do not see the endgame.


Worry does not mean fear, but readiness for the confrontation.


You in Lebanon, your power is no match to Israel. Israel, militarily, is more powerful than you and maybe it is more powerful than all the Arab countries, or most of them.


None of us and none of the Arabs trust Israel.


Since its very inception, Israel has been a threat.


The Israeli lobby has clout in the U.S., which means that re-arranging the region and controlling its resources one way or another, will serve Israel through its control over the American administration.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Amy Winehouse Quotes

Amy: We're not planning a honeymoon. Every day is a honeymoon - I've married the best man in the world.
Amy: I'm not a fighter, but if I am backed up against the wall I'll kick the shit out of anyone.
Amy: I don't think your ability to fight has anything to do with how big you are. It's to do with how much anger is in you.
Amy: I'm of the school of thought where, if you can't sort something out for yourself, no one can help you. Rehab is great for some people but not others.
Amy: I'm either a really good drunk or I'm an out-and-out sh*t, horrible, violent, abusive, emotional drunk.
Amy: Girls talk to each other like men talk to each other. But girls have an eye for detail.
Amy: After Frank I didn't write for 18 months but when I met Mark (Ronson) I pretty much wrote the album in six months - he was so inspiring.
Amy: My first kiss was about 11 or 12 and it was with a Greek boy called Chris. .... who's gay now!
Amy: I like pin-up girls. I'm more of a boy than a girl. I'm not a lesbian, though - not before a sambuca anyway.
Amy: I have a really good time some nights, but then I push it over the edge and ruin my boyfriend's night. I'm an ugly dickhead drunk, I really am.
Amy: I can't even listen to Frank any more... In fact, I've never been able to. I like playing the tracks live because that's different but listening to them is another story.
Amy: (about cocktail Rickstasy) By the time you've had two of them you're like, don't even try and go anywhere. Sit down and stay down, until the birds start singing.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Am I the only person who cannot download their photos from Facebook en masse

Last week I was fortunate enough to be invited to use the brand new Google Plus service. I love it, despite my current lack of Google Plus friends. I integrated it with my mobile phone - and soon had it set up to automatically  upload all my phones photos to my account - where I can later choose to share them.

Despite my clear lack of Google friends, I decided to attempt to migrate all my photos and videos from my Facebook account to my Google Plus account using the handy "download my information" button and create a second copy of all my photos and videos on Google Plus.

I have in the past downloaded my photographs and it has not been a problem. The Facebook sites help section claims that this is still possible. However when I get my download the photos are strangely missing.

I cannot find anyone else on the net having this problem - nor any mention of it on the Facebook site.

Is this an attempt by Facebook to limit the exodus of people from Facebook to Google Plus? Do I just have too many photos? Or am I doing it wrong? Help me!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Brookfield Discounts - Viscometers, Flow Cups, Rheometers, Calibrations...

Happened to stumble across a video today on youtube that points towards a great site ( QC Labs ) that I use for getting my viscometers serviced and calibrated. For small issues I use the useful information they provide in the guide, but normally I will just contact them and they offer a great professional service, which allows me to have complete confidence in the results my equipment will produce.



I also use their site for purchasing most of my lab equipment from their comprehensive catalogue, as they generally offer significant discounts on Brookfield products.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Brookfield Viscometer Calibration with Coaxial Cylinder Geometry



A handy guide on viscometer calibration. If you are UK based then I recommend using Quality Control Laboratories. They are London based and offer exceptional value for money whilst providing an unparalleled service.

They are also suppliers of new Brookfield Viscometer equipment and can offer substantial discounts on all new equipment.


More Labyrinth Art


LulzSec Dispand???

This statement was released by lulzsecurity a hacking group that for the last 50 days has been causing chaos on the internet for the 'lulz':


Friends around the globe,

We are Lulz Security, and this is our final release, as today marks something 
meaningful to us. 50 days ago, we set sail with our humble ship on an uneasy and 
brutal ocean: the Internet. The hate machine, the love machine, the machine powered 
by many machines. We are all part of it, helping it grow, and helping it grow on us.

For the past 50 days we've been disrupting and exposing corporations, governments, 
often the general population itself, and quite possibly everything in between, just 
because we could. All to selflessly entertain others - vanity, fame, recognition, 
all of these things are shadowed by our desire for that which we all love. The raw, 
uninterrupted, chaotic thrill of entertainment and anarchy. It's what we all crave, 
even the seemingly lifeless politicians and emotionless, middle-aged self-titled 
failures. You are not failures. You have not blown away. You can get what you want 
and you are worth having it, believe in yourself.

While we are responsible for everything that The Lulz Boat is, we are not tied to 
this identity permanently. Behind this jolly visage of rainbows and top hats, we are 
people. People with a preference for music, a preference for food; we have varying 
taste in clothes and television, we are just like you. Even Hitler and Osama Bin 
Laden had these unique variations and style, and isn't that interesting to know? The 
mediocre painter turned supervillain liked cats more than we did.

Again, behind the mask, behind the insanity and mayhem, we truly believe in the 
AntiSec movement. We believe in it so strongly that we brought it back, much to the 
dismay of those looking for more anarchic lulz. We hope, wish, even beg, that the 
movement manifests itself into a revolution that can continue on without us. The 
support we've gathered for it in such a short space of time is truly overwhelming, 
and not to mention humbling. Please don't stop. Together, united, we can stomp down 
our common oppressors and imbue ourselves with the power and freedom we deserve.

So with those last thoughts, it's time to say bon voyage. Our planned 50 day cruise 
has expired, and we must now sail into the distance, leaving behind - we hope - 
inspiration, fear, denial, happiness, approval, disapproval, mockery, embarrassment, 
thoughtfulness, jealousy, hate, even love. If anything, we hope we had a microscopic 
impact on someone, somewhere. Anywhere.

Thank you for sailing with us. The breeze is fresh and the sun is setting, so now we 
head for the horizon.

Let it flow...

Lulz Security - our crew of six wishes you a happy 2011, and a shout-out to all of 
our battlefleet members and supporters across the globe

Monday, June 27, 2011

Walker Bros Fitness - the kettle bell


Walker Bros Fitness outdoor training session.

Walker Bros Fitness

Over the last year or so I have watched my friends Steve and Tim Walker develop their personal training and fitness business. They now run several boot camps in locations such as Clapham, Wandsworth and Liverpool Street.

Their site can be found here and you can even get a free trial session to start you off.  

They also have a facebook fan page  http://www.facebook.com/walkerbrosfitness.


Friday, June 24, 2011

QC Labs

http://www.qualitycontrollaboratories.co.uk/ are a leading provider of quality control laboratory equipment. They not only provide but service and repair equipment.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My polls have gone down

Many voters have apparently changed their mind on mass and withdrawn their votes from my side polls. Make what of this that you will....

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Snow (Hey Oh) - Igor Presnyakov

Simon Cowell Quotes

I do a couple of hundred press-ups a day but I haven't been to a gym in years.


I don't think I can do this anymore.


I have always hated celebrities lecturing people on politics. So forgive me. But I am passionate about this country. I am equally passionate about the potential of the people who live here.


I have seen that the American Dream is a reality - and I would love to feel the British Dream is also a reality. To enable that, we have to bring back some common sense and encourage family values, a proper sense of justice and make people believe they have a decent chance to build a business or career for themselves. I see this moment as a fantastic opportunity to restore this, because I believe Britain Has Talent.


I met someone the other night who's 28 years old, and he hasn't worked a day since he left college because he's pursuing a dream he'll never, ever realize: He thinks he's a great singer. Actually, he's crap.


I think that by ignoring the show you're ignoring the audience who put you there.


I think you have to judge everything based on your personal taste. And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it.


If I said to most of the people who auditioned, 'Good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless.


If we had to choose one American Idol to go out to dinner with, it would be Fantasia. There are no airs and graces about her... I like her.


If you've got a big mouth and you're controversial, you're going to get attention.


If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.


My attitude is, if someone's going to criticize me, tell me to my face.


My proudest achievement has been the success of the shows and artists I have been involved with, because they were made in Britain.


Not everybody is perfect, and I don't think we should be looking for perfect people.


Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator.


The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes.


The object of this competition is not to be mean to the losers but to find a winner. The process makes you mean because you get frustrated.


We have hated the French for years. Now you have just joined the club. It makes you much more likable.


When I was young and we got caught pinching apples, we got a smack from the local policeman. Today if that happened he would be sued. There is a tendency to punish the victim, not the criminal. If someone broke into my house or my mum's house, I worry that the burglar has more rights than me.


Whether they run a record company or a grocery store, every boss will tell you you're in big trouble if you're borrowing more than you can ever afford to pay back. Delaying the pain for future generations is suicidal. We've got to start getting the deficit down right now, not next year.


You are a saucy little thing aren't you?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Rupert Murdoch Quotes

I am amazed that CNN can't get its act together.

I think a newspaper should be provocative, stir 'em up, but you can't do that on television. It's just not on.

I try to keep in touch with the details... I also look at the product daily. That doesn't mean you interfere, but it's important occasionally to show the ability to be involved. It shows you understand what's happening.

I'm a catalyst for change. You can't be an outsider and be successful over 30 years without leaving a certain amount of scar tissue around the place.

In motivating people, you've got to engage their minds and their hearts. I motivate people, I hope, by example - and perhaps by excitement, by having productive ideas to make others feel involved.

Much of what passes for quality on British television is no more than a reflection of the narrow elite which controls it and has always thought that its tastes were synonymous with quality.

No one's going to be able to operate without a grounding in the basic sciences. Language would be helpful, although English is becoming increasingly international. And travel. You have to have a global attitude.

Our reputation is more important than the last hundred million dollars.

The buck stops with the guy who signs the checks.

The world is changing very fast. Big will not beat small anymore. It will be the fast beating the slow.

There is so much media now with the Internet and people, and so easy and so cheap to start a newspaper or start a magazine, there's just millions of voices and people want to be heard.

You can't build a strong corporation with a lot of committees and a board that has to be consulted every turn. You have to be able to make decisions on your own.

Glen Quagmire Quotes

"Family Guy: Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (#8.20)" (2009)
[from trailer]
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: We're gonna get pulverized out here!
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. I think we'll be fine.

[from trailer]
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: You're gonna attack them?
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [mocking voice] "You're gonna attack them?"
[normal voice]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: That's how you sound.
[mocking voice]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: "You're gonna attack them?"
[normal voice]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Imagine listening to that all day.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me?
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Luke, I thought we talked about this. I changed my code name.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Oh, right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Han, we need you.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Oh, really? "We" or "I"?
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: What do you mean?
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss.
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Ugh! I'd rather kiss George Takei.
George Takei: Hello.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Captain Piett, you're in charge now. Don't fail me, Admiral Piett.
Admiral Piett: A promotion? Really? Can I get business cards that say "Admiral"?
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. I don't even have business cards. None of us do. Do you have business cards?
Stormtrooper: Yeah.
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. There's like a million of you. What do need business cards for?
Stormtrooper: Well, they're for my cookie business.
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: I don't want... Oh, my God. That chocolate cookie looks like the Death Star.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Thank God that hot chick is gone. Now I can let loose my Darth farts.

Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Never tell me the... Actually, that's not bad.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: What's all this slime on the floor?
Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Yeah. It feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [watches Slave-1 fly off] Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace.
Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, we should rescue him in three years.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [before Han is lowered into the carbon-freezing pit] I love you.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Fuck off.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: And who are you supposed to be?
Raggedy Andy: I'm Raggedy Andy.
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: ...get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting.

Meg Griffin as Giant Space Slug: How come I never have any lines in these things?
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Shut up, Meg.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Why you stuck up, halfwitted, scruffy looking, nerfherder
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [He punches her] You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: How you doing, kid? You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay?
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: You, too.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped?
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I killed it and ate it!

[Han fires his blaster at a mynock. The ground shakes]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Wait a minute.
[Shoots the ground. It shakes again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hang on a second.
[Shoots the ground again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: What's going on here?
[Shoots again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Something doesn't add up.
[Shoots again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Just a minute.
[Shoots again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Time out.
[Shoots again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: This ain't quite right.
[Shoots again]
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Oh, now I get it. We should go.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [Upon seeing Boba Fett for the first time] Ha, ha! The Giant Chicken's Boba Fett!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [to Leia] I'm going to kiss you so hard, the scene is going to change to something different.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. Join me, Luke.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I'll never join you!
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: He told me you killed him!
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: No, I... Hang on... Spoiler Alert... I am your father.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Well, that's fine but I don't see how that affects anythin... WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: [to Lando] Why are you wearing Han's clothes?
[turns to the camera]
Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: May The Force be with you.
Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: [Over the radio] There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Come on Luke, join the Dark Side - it's really cool!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too quickly.
Imperial Officer: I had that problem with a chick the other night!
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Oh, gross!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [On Lando] He's a black guy - in fact he's probably the only black guy in the galaxy.
Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Let's hope, right!
Peter Griffin as Han Solo, Lois Griffin as Princess Leia, Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Whoa!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you're not a Jedi yet! You're getting there, you're getting there though!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: I was trying to call Luke Adams - his name is right next to yours in my helmet!

Family Guy Presents: It's a Trap (2010) (V)
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Oh, my God, that was absolute hell! I just... I don't understand why... I mean, we're in a galaxy far, far away, and we still have to change in Atlanta.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: I know that laugh. It's the 7Up guy.

Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: The mighty Jabba has decreed that you are to be thrown in the Sarlacc pit. There, you will discover a new meaning of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over 1,000 years.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: No sweat. I'm bringing a box of All-Bran. I'll be sprayed all over the desert in a week. Right? Big lips on a stick knows what I'm talking about.
Sy Snoodles: Ha! Fiber!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, take your helmet off. I'll do "got your nose."
Stormtrooper: We're not supposed to take these off, but I really want to see that.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: What the hell? Your head is so small.
Stormtrooper: Yeah, that's why we wear these big helmets. It's a lot more intimidating.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: I'll be honest with you. I don't like people who are different.
[shoots Stormtrooper in the head]

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: [to Jabba] Greetings, exalted one. It's me, Luke Skywalker. I seek an audience with Your Slimness to bargain for Captain Solo's life. As a token of my good will, I present to you a gift, these two droids.
Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Wait a minute, does he have the right to give us away? He just stole us from his dead uncle.

Carter Pewterschmidt as Emperor Palpatine: I thought you should know, young Skywalker, that your friends are walking into a trap.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Wow. You're white? You totally sounded black on the phone.
Carter Pewterschmidt as Emperor Palpatine: Silence! You will turn to the dark side, and your precious rebellion will be destroyed. Oh!
[mockingly]
Carter Pewterschmidt as Emperor Palpatine: I'm afraid the shield generator will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Jeez, you don't have to be a dick about it.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: All right, everybody, hands in the air! All right. Now I want you to take off your helmets, go outside and dig up your own graves with them.
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Han, that's kind of dark.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Shut up! There's enough cutesy crap in this movie. I think we all need this. Now get outside!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Give yourself to the dark side, Luke.
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I will not fight you.
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Well, all right. I guess that's no problem. I can always get Seth Green to fight me. He'll do anything for money. I mean, did you see Sex Drive? Oh, of course you didn't. You're a person. Of course, I guess it did respectable foreign numbers. Asians really liked it. And you gotta hand it to Seth Green. I mean, he works hard, you know? I mean, the work is much harder when you know the project is no good. Still, all those small paychecks must add up. I wonder if his fan base knows how Jewish he really is.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, Leia, you got a date for the We Just Killed Thousands of People Dance tonight?
Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: No.
Peter Griffin as Han Solo: You do now. Pick you up at 7:00. And save Yub Nub for me. Come to think of it, you can shave your yub nub for me, too! I'll see you at 7:00.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: What the hell, man? I was gonna make it!
Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Thanks for watching over me and keeping me safe.
Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Fuck you! You murdered me, you ass.

"Family Guy: Blue Harvest (#6.1)" (2007)
Herbert (Obi-Wan Kenobi): Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Cleveland (R2-D2): My sister Regina-D2 lives here.
Quagmire (C-3PO): Is she single?
Cleveland (R2-D2): She's a lez-bot.

Chris (Luke Skywalker): Well, I guess I'll go bullseye some womp rats in my T-16.
Quagmire (C-3PO): My God! You shoot small animals for fun? That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak!
Chris (Luke Skywalker): There's two suns and no women. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Quagmire (C-3PO): Hey, thanks for the sex, early 90's printer.

Quagmire (C-3PO): Hey, it sounds like we're being boarded from the rear. And not the 'Hey, let's experiment' kind of boarded from the rear.

Quagmire (C-3PO): Who would you rather do: Jabba the Hutt right after a shower, or a service droid?
Cleveland (R2-D2): My father was a service droid!

"Family Guy: Breaking Out Is Hard to Do (#4.9)" (2005)
Peter Griffin: Quagmire, what are you doing here?
Glen Quagmire: Oh, It's conjugal visit day, you know I love doing a woman in the can. OH! Giggity-giggity-giggity-goooo!

Glen Quagmire: Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy, let's have sex!

Brian Griffin: Ugh, I can't believe you're serving a three year sentence, it seems so harsh.
Lois Griffin: Well, the only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin' because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...
Glen Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois Griffin: ...and I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things...
Glen Quagmire: OH GOD!
Lois Griffin: ...and I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.
Glen Quagmire: OH GAWWWD!
Lois Griffin: I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Glen Quagmire: That one is also sexual.

Lois Griffin: I feel like I've had this void all my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.
Glen Quagmire: Oh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I was trying to fill that hole with all these expensive things...
Glen Quagmire: Ooooh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I just enjoyed having all these things filling that hole.
Glen Quagmire: Ohhhhhhhhhh, God!
Lois Griffin: I guess I'm just going to have to sit back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Glen Quagmire: That one is also sexual.

"Family Guy: Airport '07 (#5.12)" (2007)
Quagmire: [over the plane's intercom] Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, this is your captain Glenn Quagmire, uhhhhhhh we're lookin' bout a four and a half hour flight time today, uhhhhhhh got clear skies, good visibility. The temperature in Atlanta is sixty-four degrees, uhhhhhhhhhh the flight is gonna be a little longer than we've expected, uh we've got some very strong head winds, gigity. Uh, flight attendants, please prepare for takeoff.

Quagmire: We know you have your choice in airport sex, and we thank you for choosing Quagmire. Please exercise caution when standing up, as the contents in your panties may have shifted during coitus.

Quagmire: I don't deserve to be a pilot. I've let everybody down.
Hugh M. Hefner: Did you do the best you could?
Quagmire: Well, I was gonna, but I ended up getting laid instead.
Hugh M. Hefner: You know, that reminds me of what one young man once said: John Holmes, the greatest porn star who ever lived. He said, 'You know, I've got a 13-inch member, and Glenn Quagmire is the best damn pilot I have ever seen.'
Quagmire: John Holmes said that?
Hugh M. Hefner: You bet he did, right before he died a very painful AIDS-related death from having unprotected sex with so many people.

"Family Guy: Jerome Is the New Black (#8.7)" (2009)
Glen Quagmire: You wanna maybe just go?
Brian Griffin: Quagmire, come on. I'm really trying hard here.
Glen Quagmire: Who asked you to try hard?
Brian Griffin: Nobody, but I'm trying to establish a friendship with you. All I've done is try to be nice to you and you still don't like me. How can you not like me?
Glen Quagmire: ...Okay, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife, the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for notching, you always say "Oh, I'll get you later" but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls, when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interruption of how Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much, he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer even though you're terrible. You know, I should had known You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would have known there's no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should "legalize pot, man," how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well, what have you done to help? I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian. Never seen you down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ! Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ or any religion for that matter, because "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father! How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore.
[sighs]
Glen Quagmire: Well, see ya, Brian! Thanks for the fucking steak!

Brian Griffin: How can you not like me?
Glen Quagmire: Okay, I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You always say, "Oh, I'll get you later" but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound, intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much - he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible! You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would have known there's no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should "legalize pot, man," how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well, what have YOU done to help? I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian. Never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ! Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ or any religion for that matter, because "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father! How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore.
[sighs]
Glen Quagmire: Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak!

Brian Griffin: [Brian has found out Quagmire hates him, and is trying to make friends over dinner] Quagmire, c'mon, I'm really trying hard here.
Glen Quagmire: Who asked you to "try hard"?
Brian Griffin: Nobody. But all, I'm trying to establish a friendship with you. All I've done is try be nice to you, and you still don't like me, how can you not like me?
Glen Quagmire: OK. I'll tell you.
[pauses]
Glen Quagmire: You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife, the man pays for your food, and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing, you're always saying "Oooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes. And what really bothers me? Is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls, when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of "Catcher in the Rye," and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual.
[shouts]
Glen Quagmire: He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat - and that's why you like him so much. He's you! God, you're pretentious. And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note - she would have known there was no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate about you most is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should "legalize pot, man," how Big Business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well, what have *you* done to help? I work down in the soup kitchen, Brian - never seen you down there. You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way - driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh! Wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ! Or any religion for that matter, because
[mockingly ]
Glen Quagmire: "religion is for idiots." Well, who the hell are *you* to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all that - all of it. If you weren't such a bore. That's the worst of it, Brian - you're just a big, sad, alcoholic *bore*.
[sighs]
Glen Quagmire: See you, Brian. Thanks for the f***ing steak.

"Family Guy: Model Misbehavior (#4.10)" (2005)
Peter Griffin: [at 3:00 a.m] Hey, everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe Swanson: Peter, shut up! It's 3:00 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell is going on out there?
Glen Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter Griffin: I'm just saying, I'm proud of her! She's a woman! Yeah!
Glen Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot, and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now, I'm exhausted!

Lois Griffin: Hey there, sweetie! I got a wax this morning and, let's just say, you're cleared for landing! Huh?
Glen Quagmire: [in the distance] *giggity!*

Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story (2005) (V)
Lois Griffin: [During Intermission] Hey,Peter,could you go to the concession stand,I need something to suck on.
Glen Quagmire: Gigidi Gigidi

Lois Griffin: [During Intermission] Hey,Peter,could you go to the concession stand,I need something to suck on.
Glen Quagmire: Gigidi Gigidi?

"Family Guy: I Take Thee, Quagmire (#4.21)" (2006)
Glen Quagmire: I gotta find a way out of this marriage. Cleveland, how did you get out of yours?
Cleveland Brown: You slept with my wife.

Glen Quagmire: [noticing the ring on his finger at his reception] Giggity giggity GOD, I made a terrible mistake!

"Family Guy: Quagmire's Baby (#8.6)" (2009)
Lois Griffin: Have you decided on a name yet?
Quagmire: Anna Lee. But I figure I'll just end up calling her Annal for short.
Peter Griffin: That's funny
Quagmire: Thank you

Peter Griffin: Now hold on, Quagmire. We don't know if this kid really is yours yet.
Annaleigh Quagmire: Giggity.
Quagmire: Oh... I say that.

"Family Guy: Stuck Together, Torn Apart (#3.19)" (2002)
Peter Griffin: [Spying Lois from outside to the restourant with binoculars] What the hell is Lois doing with another man?
Quagmire: Is it possible she's a whore?
[He looks at Peter]
Quagmire: Oh, know you, just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dyalipsis? As in my fantasy? Oh, you know what? Let's start over, Hi! I'm Quagmire!
[He reaches his hand to Peter]

Peter Griffin: [Trying to hear Lois with her old boyfriend in a restourant from the policial van of Joe, turning round the knob] Wait I got to hear more!
Joe Swanson: Peter, the power's not supposed to go that high!
Quagmire: [Guys hear Quagmire's thoughts] Damn, this itches, I wonder who gave it to me, problably that skank that needed a ride in the gas station, it's the last time I do somebody a favor... Oh, they must have heard me, oh God! I can hear me...
[starts singing, watching everywhere while Joe, Peter and Cleveland are watching him]

"Family Guy: Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air (#6.3)" (2007)
Quagmire: My God, Joe is running us ragged!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I haven't been this exhausted since I had that job as Jackée Harry's personal grocery shopper.
[Cutaway to a grocery store with Peter and Jackée Harry. Peter is holding a clipboard with shopping items listed on it, which he is reading from]
Peter Griffin: A palette? Am-am I readin' this right? Y-You need a palette of chocolate-covered pretzels? Wh-wh-where the hell am i supposed to - a-an-an-and wh-what is this, a drum of grape jam? Is that - wh-what is that - is that like a drum like, they ship oil in? Is that - a-a-an-and wh-wh-wha - look at this one: A desk of Cheez-its. A desk - wh-where are you gettin' these units of measurements from?
Jackée Harry: Mary.
Peter Griffin: [laughs] That is still funny. Okay you stay right here, big funny gal, i'll be right back with...
[reads from the clipboard]
Peter Griffin: a hammock of cake.

"Family Guy: 8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter (#4.8)" (2005)
Glen Quagmire: Hey Peter, uh... you have a card for if you transferred V.D. to somebody?
Peter Griffin: Uh, lets see here... uh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Glen Quagmire: Huh? That's all you have is "accidental", huh? All right, I'll take it.

"Family Guy: And Then There Were Fewer (#9.1)" (2010)
Glen Quagmire: Can't we all just be happy she's dead?

"Family Guy: I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar (#2.8)" (2000)
Lois Griffin: Glen, I need your help.
Glen Quagmire: Sure, Lois. I'd do everything to you.
Lois Griffin: What?
Glen Quagmire: I'd do anything for you.

"Family Guy: The Former Life of Brian (#6.11)" (2008)
Peter Griffin: Hey Brian what would you do if Dylan was in a car wreck?
Brian Griffin: Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't even want to think about. No. Knock on wood. Knock on wood, Knock on wood.
Glen Quagmire: I can imagine that'd be pretty tough.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no Quagmire. Until you have a child. Until you have a child you can't possibly understand.
Joe Swanson: Listen Brian there's a difference between being cautious and being over protective.
Brian Griffin: That is a dad talking. That is a dad talking Quagmire. You're right you can't hold your kids back. It's like I say, you have to give your child both roots and wings.
Cleveland: Brian I want to punch you in the dick right now.

"Family Guy: Lethal Weapons (#3.7)" (2001)
Glen Quagmire: Hey honey, why don't you turn around and show me the Lower East side?
Transvetite: [in deep voice] Sure.
Glen Quagmire: WHOA! Transvestite! Back off! Wait a sec, pre-op or post-op?
Transvetite: Pre-op.
Glen Quagmire: WHOA! Transvestite! Back off!

"Family Guy: It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One (#5.17)" (2007)
Glen Quagmire: ["campaigning" for Lois by seducing female voters] If I tried to masturbate right now, you know what would come out? A little flag with the word BANG on it!

"Family Guy: Family Goy (#8.2)" (2009)
Brian Griffin: Too many people go overboard with what they believe. Like Quagmire when he thought he was was the one getting the spinoff.
Glen Quagmire: See ya later, bitches! Have fun with your stupid shitty giant chicken jokes and Conway Twi - hey, why is there a moving truck outside of Cleveland's house?

"Family Guy: Sibling Rivalry (#4.22)" (2006)
Peter Griffin: Well, guys, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland Brown: You poor bastard. After all, sex is pointless without potency.
Quagmire: That's right. You take the venom out of a cobra and what do you got? You got a... a belt.

"Family Guy: A Fish Out of Water (#3.10)" (2001)
Glen Quagmire: So what, were you like, in an accident or something?
Seamus: [Who has two wooden legs and two wooden arms] No, me father was a tree.

"Family Guy: Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 (#3.21)" (2002)
Peter Griffin: I say, Quagmire, it seems to me we've each made another $500 million dollars.
Quagmire: Good thing we swore off women so we wouldn't be distracted and unable to accumulate this vast amount of wealth.
Peter Griffin: Yes. You watch the ticker. I'm gonna microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

"Family Guy: Ocean's Three and a Half (#7.7)" (2009)
Cleveland Brown: [Voice Identification]
[In Carter's voice]
Cleveland Brown: It's me Carter, I want my money.
Computer: Voice print verified.
Glenn Quagmire: How the hell'd you do that?
Cleveland Brown: I can do you guys too.
[In Peter's exact voice]
Cleveland Brown: Hey everybody.
Peter Griffin: [Peter brightens up] Oh hey Peter!
Cleveland Brown: No it's still me.

"Family Guy: 420 (#7.12)" (2009)
Quagmire: I am offering a $50 reward about James to anyone who knows what happened to him, no questions asked.
Peter Griffin: [taking the money] I killed your cat.

"Family Guy: Back to the Woods (#6.9)" (2008)
[Peter and his friends have heard about an upcoming Barry Manilow concert]
Joe Swanson: You couldn't pay me to go to that thing.
Peter Griffin: Hey, you know we should do? We should go, just as a goof.
Quagmire: That would be hilarious.
Joe Swanson: Yeah, just look at all the idiots.
Cleveland: All the dumb-ass Manilow fans.
Peter Griffin: I mean he's got like one good song.
Quagmire: Yeah... I mean "Mandy" is not terrible.
Joe Swanson: Yeah, the opening is okay.
Cleveland: And I guess you can't hate "Copacabana".
Quagmire: Yeah, if you're in the right mood.
Joe Swanson: "Daybreak" is a good song.
Cleveland: Oh, yeah.
Peter Griffin: That's a good song. And I like "Weekend in New England".
Quagmire: Yeah, that's a good one. "Looks Like We Made It".
Peter Griffin: Yeah, it's not bad.
Quagmire: Right.
[long pause]
Joe Swanson: [sotto voice] I love Barry Manilow.
Peter Griffin: Oh my god, he's the best!
Quagmire: I have everything he's ever recorded!
Cleveland: Me too, in my car!
Peter Griffin: We have to go to that concert!

"Family Guy: Brian in Love (#2.4)" (2000)
Lois Griffin: Hey, you, the news is on.
Brian Griffin: Oh. Where's everybody?
Lois Griffin: Stewie's taking a nap, and Peter and the kids are out. Come sit with me.
Brian Griffin: Oh. Okay.
[Gets up on couch]
Brian Griffin: [while Lois rubs his skull] Oh. Ho,ho,ho,ho.
Diane Simmons: And now, Part 3 of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
Tricia Takanawa: Thank you, Diane. Sex... some people have it anonymously. "What kind of person might do that?" You might ask. Well, I'm about to find out. I just picked a complete stranger in a hotel bar, and he's in the bathroom, possibly doing drugs. Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man, as we take you in depth and undercover.
Glen Quagmire: I never had a Spanish chick before. Ole!
Lois Griffin: Oh, it is so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news.
[thumping]
Lois Griffin: Brian, your tail keeps hitting me.
[thumping stops]
Brian Griffin: Oh, it was bothering you, I can stop.
Lois Griffin: No, it's okay. That breeze feels good. It's so warm in here.
[takes sweater off, then sighs]
Lois Griffin: That's better.
Brian Griffin: I-I'd take my sweater off but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin.
[laughs]
Brian Griffin: Smooth.
Lois Griffin: Well, I better go start dinner.

"Family Guy: PTV (#4.14)" (2005)
Glen Quagmire: [sitting naked in what looks like a bachelor pad] Welcome to "Midnight Q". Tonight, we're going to enjoy the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus, Norman Mailer is here to read an excerpt from his latest book, and then we also have a girl from Omaha who's hiding a banana. We'll find out where. Giggity-giggity, giggity-goo. Stick around.

"Family Guy: One If by Clam, Two If by Sea (#3.4)" (2001)
Glen Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.

"Family Guy: Wasted Talent (#2.20)" (2000)
Glen Quagmire: Hey gorgeous! You want to come home with me?
Woman in Bar: I'm with my husband!
Glen Quagmire: Lose the zero, get with the hero.
[Quagmire's face punched by husband]
Glen Quagmire: Little violent for you, don't you think?
[punched again by husband]
Glen Quagmire: Huh, I'll be right over there.

"The Cleveland Show: Gone with the Wind (#1.17)" (2010)
[Quagmire has brought Loretta's coffin to Cleveland in Stoolbend]
Glenn Quagmire: Well, I'll run her over to the funeral home. Then I'm heading on up to Langley. Got a background gag in a bachelor party scene on "American Dad."
Cleveland Brown: Oh, that... that's good. Paying work.
Glenn Quagmire: Save it. Have fun on your spin-off, Joey.
[Quagmire drives away]
Cleveland Brown: I will! And this ain't no "Joey", you one-note fuck!

"Family Guy: The Thin White Line (#3.1)" (2001)
Joe Swanson: [referring to Brian] Say hello to our newest narc. He's a natural.
Glen Quagmire: Oh yeah? Heh, how good are you?
Brian Griffin: [sniff, sniff... sniff, sniff] You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women...
[sniff]
Brian Griffin: and a man.
Glen Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women.
[Brian blinks once. Quagmire's facial expression changes]
Glen Quagmire: Nooo!

"Family Guy: Meet the Quagmires (#5.18)" (2007)
Lois Griffin: [while dancing] Something just poked me!
Glen Quagmire: It's ok. It's just my wang.

"Family Guy: Deep Throats (#4.23)" (2006)
Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...
[Brian and Stewie notice Peter and Lois lying on the couch, nude]
Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is.
[laughs]
Peter Griffin: He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.
[both laugh hysterically]
Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!

"Family Guy: The Man with Two Brians (#7.5)" (2008)
Lois Griffin: [comes out of a door with a bag of trash] Peter, what are you...
[sees that Peter is in a shopping cart on the roof held by Cleveland and Quagmire]
Lois Griffin: What are you boys doing up there? Get off the roof!
Peter Griffin: Go back in the house, Lois! We're being Jackass! Okay, ready?
Joe Swanson: All, right! We're rolling.
Peter Griffin: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin and this is Shopping Cart... Roof... R... R-Roof... Roof Shop... Roof Shopping Cart, guys.
[to Cleveland and Quagmire]
Peter Griffin: Okay, go!
[Cleveland and Quagmire let go of the cart; Peter rolls down and lands badly]
Peter Griffin: Ow. Ow. Ow.
[he gets up and his head is hanging upside down and four jagged bumps are visible under his skin; everyone groans in horror]
Cleveland: Oh, my God!
Glen Quagmire: Oh, my God! Are you okay?
Peter Griffin: I don't know! I don't... W-what does it look like? What do I do? What...
[feels the bumps]
Peter Griffin: Aah! Aah! What is that? What is... I feel something!
Joe Swanson: [still filming] It's your spine, dude! It got, like, yanked up a bunch of notches!
Peter Griffin: I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm sca...
[vomits on Brian]
Brian Griffin: Aah! Oh, God!
Peter Griffin: Does this get fixed with ice or heat?
Cleveland: Ice now, heat later.

"Family Guy: Partial Terms of Endearment (#8.21)" (2010)
Peter Griffin: I can't believe she went ahead and did it, after I specifically told her how I felt.
Brian Griffin: Well clearly she believed it was within her right to...
[begins sniffing the air]
Brian Griffin: Lois just peed on something.
[Quagmire pops through the window]
Glen Quagmire: Hey Brian, you picking up on that?
Brian Griffin: Yep.

"Family Guy: Three Kings (#7.15)" (2009)
Chris Quagmire: Ha ha! Beat those cards, fellas! Ha ha ha! Giggety-giggety-fifties-giggety!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Plato Quotes

A good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers.


A hero is born among a hundred, a wise man is found among a thousand, but an accomplished one might not be found even among a hundred thousand men.


A state arises, as I conceive, out of the needs of mankind; no one is self-sufficing, but all of us have many wants.


All men are by nature equal, made all of the same earth by one Workman; and however we deceive ourselves, as dear unto God is the poor peasant as the mighty prince.


All the gold which is under or upon the earth is not enough to give in exchange for virtue.


All things will be produced in superior quantity and quality, and with greater ease, when each man works at a single occupation, in accordance with his natural gifts, and at the right moment, without meddling with anything else.


And what, Socrates, is the food of the soul? Surely, I said, knowledge is the food of the soul.


Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another.


Apply yourself both now and in the next life. Without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, You cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation.


As the builders say, the larger stones do not lie well without the lesser.


Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another.


At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.


Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.


Better a little which is well done, than a great deal imperfectly.


Courage is a kind of salvation.


Courage is knowing what not to fear.


Cunning... is but the low mimic of wisdom.


Death is not the worst that can happen to men.


Democracy passes into despotism.


Democracy... is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder; and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike.


Dictatorship naturally arises out of democracy, and the most aggravated form of tyranny and slavery out of the most extreme liberty.


Entire ignorance is not so terrible or extreme an evil, and is far from being the greatest of all; too much cleverness and too much learning, accompanied with ill bringing-up, are far more fatal.


Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.


Excess generally causes reaction, and produces a change in the opposite direction, whether it be in the seasons, or in individuals, or in governments.


Excess of liberty, whether it lies in state or individuals, seems only to pass into excess of slavery.


For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.


For good nurture and education implant good constitutions.


For the introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state; since styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions.


Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.


Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.


Hardly any human being is capable of pursuing two professions or two arts rightly.


He was a wise man who invented beer.


He who commits injustice is ever made more wretched than he who suffers it.


He who is not a good servant will not be a good master.


He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.


He who steals a little steals with the same wish as he who steals much, but with less power.


Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.


How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?


Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.


I exhort you also to take part in the great combat, which is the combat of life, and greater than every other earthly conflict.


I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.


I never did anything worth doing by accident, nor did any of my inventions come by accident; they came by work.


I shall assume that your silence gives consent.


I would fain grow old learning many things.


If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life.


If particulars are to have meaning, there must be universals.


Ignorance of all things is an evil neither terrible nor excessive, nor yet the greatest of all; but great cleverness and much learning, if they be accompanied by a bad training, are a much greater misfortune.


Ignorance, the root and stem of all evil.


Injustice is censured because the censures are afraid of suffering, and not from any fear which they have of doing injustice.


It is a common saying, and in everybody's mouth, that life is but a sojourn.


It is clear to everyone that astronomy at all events compels the soul to look upwards, and draws it from the things of this world to the other.


It is right to give every man his due.


Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens.


Justice means minding one's own business and not meddling with other men's concerns.


Know one knows whether death, which people fear to be the greatest evil, may not be the greatest good.


Knowledge becomes evil if the aim be not virtuous.


Knowledge is true opinion.


Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.


Knowledge without justice ought to be called cunning rather than wisdom.


Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.


Life must be lived as play.


Love is a serious mental disease.


Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods.


Man - a being in search of meaning.


Man is a wingless animal with two feet and flat nails.


Man never legislates, but destinies and accidents, happening in all sorts of ways, legislate in all sorts of ways.


Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.


Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue.


Must not all things at the last be swallowed up in death?


Necessity... the mother of invention.


No evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death.


No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding.


No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.


No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.


No one is a friend to his friend who does not love in return.


No trace of slavery ought to mix with the studies of the freeborn man. No study, pursued under compulsion, remains rooted in the memory.


Not to help justice in her need would be an impiety.


Nothing can be more absurd than the practice that prevails in our country of men and women not following the same pursuits with all their strengths and with one mind, for thus, the state instead of being whole is reduced to half.


Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety.


One man cannot practice many arts with success.


One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.


Only the dead have seen the end of war.


Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance.


Our object in the construction of the state is the greatest happiness of the whole, and not that of any one class.


People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.


Philosophy begins in wonder.


Philosophy is the highest music.


Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.


Poets utter great and wise things which they do not themselves understand.


Rhetoric is the art of ruling the minds of men.


Science is nothing but perception.


States are as the men, they grow out of human characters.


The beginning is the most important part of the work.


The blame is his who chooses: God is blameless.


The community which has neither poverty nor riches will always have the noblest principles.


The curse of me and my nation is that we always think things can be bettered by immediate action of some sort, any sort rather than no sort.


The direction in which education starts a man will determine his future in life.


The excessive increase of anything causes a reaction in the opposite direction.


The eyes of the soul of the multitudes are unable to endure the vision of the divine.


The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.


The gods' service is tolerable, man's intolerable.


The good is the beautiful.


The greatest wealth is to live content with little.


The highest reach of injustice is to be deemed just when you are not.


The learning and knowledge that we have, is, at the most, but little compared with that of which we are ignorant.


The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depends upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom.


The measure of a man is what he does with power.


The most important part of education is proper training in the nursery.


The most virtuous are those who content themselves with being virtuous without seeking to appear so.


The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men.


The rulers of the state are the only persons who ought to have the privilege of lying, either at home or abroad; they may be allowed to lie for the good of the state.


The wisest have the most authority.


Then not only an old man, but also a drunkard, becomes a second time a child.


Then not only custom, but also nature affirms that to do is more disgraceful than to suffer injustice, and that justice is equality.


There are three classes of men; lovers of wisdom, lovers of honor, and lovers of gain.


There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.


There is no harm in repeating a good thing.


There is no such thing as a lovers' oath.


There must always remain something that is antagonistic to good.


There will be no end to the troubles of states, or of humanity itself, till philosophers become kings in this world, or till those we now call kings and rulers really and truly become philosophers, and political power and philosophy thus come into the same hands.



There's a victory, and defeat; the first and best of victories, the lowest and worst of defeats which each man gains or sustains at the hands not of another, but of himself.


They certainly give very strange names to diseases.


They do certainly give very strange, and newfangled, names to diseases.


Thinking: the talking of the soul with itself.


This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector.


This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.


Those who intend on becoming great should love neither themselves nor their own things, but only what is just, whether it happens to be done by themselves or others.


To go to the world below, having a soul which is like a vessel full of injustice, is the last and worst of all the evils.


To love rightly is to love what is orderly and beautiful in an educated and disciplined way.


To prefer evil to good is not in human nature; and when a man is compelled to choose one of two evils, no one will choose the greater when he might have the less.


To suffer the penalty of too much haste, which is too little speed.


Truth is the beginning of every good to the gods, and of every good to man.


Twice and thrice over, as they say, good is it to repeat and review what is good.


Tyranny naturally arises out of democracy.


Virtue is relative to the actions and ages of each of us in all that we do.


We are twice armed if we fight with faith.


We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.


We do not learn; and what we call learning is only a process of recollection.


We ought to esteem it of the greatest importance that the fictions which children first hear should be adapted in the most perfect manner to the promotion of virtue.


We ought to fly away from earth to heaven as quickly as we can; and to fly away is to become like God, as far as this is possible; and to become like him is to become holy, just, and wise.


Wealth is well known to be a great comforter.


Whatever deceives men seems to produce a magical enchantment.


When a Benefit is wrongly conferred, the author of the Benefit may often be said to injure.


When men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe them.


When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself.


When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing more to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader.


When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.


Wisdom alone is the science of other sciences.


Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.


Wonder is the feeling of the philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder.


You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.


Your silence gives consent.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

And now, of course this is another thing I didn't count on, that now as the governor of the state of California, I am selling California worldwide. You see that? Selling.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

As long as I live, I will never forget that day 21 years ago when I raised my hand and took the oath of citizenship. Do you know how proud I was? I was so proud that I walked around with an American flag around my shoulders all day long.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

As you know, I'm an immigrant. I came over here as an immigrant, and what gave me the opportunities, what made me to be here today, is the open arms of Americans. I have been received. I have been adopted by America.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bodybuilding is much like any other sport. To be successful, you must dedicate yourself 100% to your training, diet and mental approach.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Everything I have, my career, my success, my family, I owe to America.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

For me life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Freedom is a right ultimately defended by the sacrifice of America's servicemen and women.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Government's first duty and highest obligation is public safety.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Gray Davis can run a dirty campaign better than anyone, but he can't run a state.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Help others and give something back. I guarantee you will discover that while public service improves the lives and the world around you, its greatest reward is the enrichment and new meaning it will bring your own life.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I am a big believer in education, because when I grew up in Austria - when I grew up in Austria I had a great education. I had great teachers.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I believe with all my heart that America remains 'the great idea' that inspires the world. It is a privilege to be born here. It is an honor to become a citizen here. It is a gift to raise your family here, to vote here, and to live here.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I can promise you that when I go to Sacramento, I will pump up Sacramento.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I didn't leave bodybuilding until I felt that I had gone as far as I could go. It will be the same with my film career. When I feel the time is right, I will then consider public service. I feel that the highest honor comes from serving people and your country.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I feel good because I believe I have made progress in rebuilding the people's trust in their government.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have inhaled, exhaled everything.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I just use my muscles as a conversation piece, like someone walking a cheetah down 42nd Street.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I knew I was a winner back in the late sixties. I knew I was destined for great things. People will say that kind of thinking is totally immodest. I agree. Modesty is not a word that applies to me in any way - I hope it never will.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I know a lot of athletes and models are written off as just bodies. I never felt used for my body.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I speak directly to the people, and I know that the people of California want to have better leadership. They want to have great leadership. They want to have somebody that will represent them. And it doesn't matter if you're a Democrat or a Republican, young or old.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I told Warren if he mentions Prop. 13 one more time, he has to do 500 push-ups.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I was born in Europe... and I've traveled all over the world. I can tell you that there is no place, no country, that is more compassionate, more generous, more accepting, and more welcoming than the United States of America.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I welcome and seek your ideas, but do not bring me small ideas; bring me big ideas to match our future.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'll be back.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

If it bleeds, we can kill it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

If it's hard to remember, it'll be difficult to forget.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

If you work hard and play by the rules, this country is truly open to you. You can achieve anything.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

In our society, the women who break down barriers are those who ignore limits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

In this country, it doesn't make any difference where you were born. It doesn't make any difference who your parents were. It doesn't make any difference if, like me, you couldn't even speak English until you were in your twenties.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Maria is the best reason to come home.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

My friend James Cameron and I made three films together - True Lies, The Terminator and Terminator 2. Of course, that was during his early, low-budget, art-house period.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

My own dreams fortunately came true in this great state. I became Mr. Universe; I became a successful businessman. And even though some people say I still speak with a slight accent, I have reached the top of the acting profession.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

My relationship to power and authority is that I'm all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

No matter the nationality, no matter the religion, no matter the ethnic background, America brings out the best in people.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

One of my movies was called "True Lies." It's what the Democrats should have called their convention.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Political courage is not political suicide.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Start wide, expand further, and never look back.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The biggest problem that we have is that California is being run now by special interests. All of the politicians are not anymore making the moves for the people, but for special interests and we have to stop that.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The resistance that you fight physically in the gym and the resistance that you fight in life can only build a strong character.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The success I have achieved in bodybuilding, motion pictures, and business would not have been possible without the generosity of the American people and the freedom here to pursue your dreams.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

There is no place, no country, more compassionate more generous more accepting and more welcoming than the United States of America.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

To restore the trust of the people, we must reform the way the government operates.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

We are a forward-looking people, and we must have a forward-looking government.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

What we face may look insurmountable. But I learned something from all those years of training and competing. I learned something from all those sets and reps when I didn't think I could lift another ounce of weight. What I learned is that we are always stronger than we know.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

When the people become involved in their government, government becomes more accountable, and our society is stronger, more compassionate, and better prepared for the challenges of the future.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Women are the engine driving the growth in California's economy. Women make California's economy unique.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

You can scream at me, call me for a shoot at midnight, keep me waiting for hours - as long as what ends up on the screen is perfect.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

You know, nothing is more important than education, because nowhere are our stakes higher; our future depends on the quality of education of our children today.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tiger Woods Quotes

Achievements on the golf course are not what matters, decency and honesty are what matter.


And I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza.


As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.


Don't force your kids into sports. I never was. To this day, my dad has never asked me to go play golf. I ask him. It's the child's desire to play that matters, not the parent's desire to have the child play. Fun. Keep it fun.


For many my behavior has been a major disappointment, my behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners, and everyone involved in my business, but most importantly to the young people we influence, I apologize.


Green and black go well together, don't they?


Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.


I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course.


I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be.


I don't get to live by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me.


I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.


I love to play golf, and that's my arena. And you can characterize it and describe it however you want, but I have a love and a passion for getting that ball in the hole and beating those guys.


I stopped living according to my core values. I knew what I was doing was wrong but thought only about myself and thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to.


I want to be what I've always wanted to be: dominant.


I'm addicted. I'm addicted to golf.


I'm aware if I'm playing at my best I'm tough to beat. And I enjoy that.


I'm not as far along as Jack Nicklaus was at this age, but I'm trying.


If money titles meant anything, I'd play more tournaments. The only thing that means a lot to me is winning. If I have more wins than anybody else and win more majors than anybody else in the same year, then it's been a good year.


If you are given a chance to be a role model, I think you should always take it because you can influence a person's life in a positive light, and that's what I want to do. That's what it's all about.