Sunday, April 08, 2012

Animaniacs - Nations Of The World

Pinky and the Brain The Tailor and The Mice

The Ferengi rules of Acquisition

  • Once you have their money ... never give it back.
  • Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
  • Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
  • A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
  • Keep your ears open.
  • Small print leads to large risk.
  • Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
  • Greed is eternal.
  • Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
  • A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.
  • A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi).
  • A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
  • Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
  • Never place friendship above profit.
  • A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
  • Nothing is more important than your health--except for your money.
  • There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
  • Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead.
  • It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
  • Peace is good for business.
  • War is good for business.
  • She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
  • Profit is its own reward.
  • Never confuse wisdom with luck.
  • Expand, or die.
  • Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
  • The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
  • Never ask when you can take.
  • Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.
  • There is no substitute for success.
  • Free advice is seldom cheap.
  • Keep your lies consistent.
  • The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
  • Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
  • Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum.
  • Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
  • Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
  • The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
  • Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
  • Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
  • Females and finances don't mix.
  • Enough ... is never enough.
  • Trust is the biggest liability of all.
  • Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
  • Sleep can interfere with profit. (DS9 season 2, episode 7 - "Rules of Acquisition")
  • Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
  • There is no honour in poverty.
  • Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
  • Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.
  • Never have sex with the boss's sister.
  • Always have sex with the boss.
  • You can't free a fish from water.
  • Everything is for sale, even friendship.
  • Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
  • Wives serve, brothers inherit.
  • Only fools pay retail.
  • There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
  • Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
  • Know your enemies ... but do business with them always.
  • Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
  • Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
  • Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
  • It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
  • The justification for profit is profit.
  • New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
  • Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
  • Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
  • Always know what you're buying.
  • Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
  • Latinum lasts longer than lust.
  • You can't buy fate.
  • Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
  • More is good ... all is better.
  • A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
  • A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
  • Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
  • When in doubt, lie.
  • Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
  • No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  • Sunday, April 01, 2012

    Twitter, Sickipedia and the Police

    A young British student has lost his appeal against his 56 day prison sentence for racist tweets following the footballer Fabrice Muamba's collapse and cardiac arrest on the pitch during a recent match.

    I don't know exactly what he said. However, a quick look on the website sickipedia shows the largest collection of racist jokes devoted to Fabrice Muamba I can find on the net.

    The site is owned by a British company called B3ta and boasts on it's own site that it's traffic is 80% UK based. However, the police appear to have made no effort to combat the abuse and racism that occurs on this site. Without any form of consistency of policing - it strikes me as very unfair that a student should be jailed for his inappropriate comments which he took down the next day.

    Meanwhile the bankers who caused the financial crisis have largely gone unpunished and in many circumstances have been rewarded for their behaviour.

    It reminds me of a poem:

    The law locks up the man or woman
    Who steals the goose from off the common
    But leaves the greater villain loose
    Who steals the common from off the goose.

    Noel Edmonds and the facebook Troll

    I read today that Noel Edmonds has agreed to pay for a PHD students studies after hiring an agency to discover the identity of the person who set up a facebook page stating Noel Edmonds has to die. Facebook had refused his request to remove the group stating that they could only remove a page if they had a formal request from the police. Rather than lodge a formal complaint with the police and potentially destroy a young mans life he decided to meet with the poster and after he removed the group agreed to fund his studies.

    Thats very nice of Noel but I have the feeling that it may have the opposite effect to which he desired. It seems to me that anyone who is looking to fund their university studies what with the recent increases in tuition fees may decide to set up a Facebook group stating much the same? I'm going to give it a few days and see how many new anti-Noel Edmonds pages pop up over the next few days.