Sunday, April 08, 2012

The Ferengi rules of Acquisition


  • Once you have their money ... never give it back.
  • Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
  • Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
  • A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
  • Keep your ears open.
  • Small print leads to large risk.
  • Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
  • Greed is eternal.
  • Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
  • A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.
  • A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi).
  • A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
  • Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
  • Never place friendship above profit.
  • A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
  • Nothing is more important than your health--except for your money.
  • There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
  • Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead.
  • It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
  • Peace is good for business.
  • War is good for business.
  • She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
  • Profit is its own reward.
  • Never confuse wisdom with luck.
  • Expand, or die.
  • Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
  • The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
  • Never ask when you can take.
  • Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.
  • There is no substitute for success.
  • Free advice is seldom cheap.
  • Keep your lies consistent.
  • The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
  • Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
  • Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum.
  • Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
  • Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
  • The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
  • Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
  • Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
  • Females and finances don't mix.
  • Enough ... is never enough.
  • Trust is the biggest liability of all.
  • Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
  • Sleep can interfere with profit. (DS9 season 2, episode 7 - "Rules of Acquisition")
  • Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
  • There is no honour in poverty.
  • Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
  • Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.
  • Never have sex with the boss's sister.
  • Always have sex with the boss.
  • You can't free a fish from water.
  • Everything is for sale, even friendship.
  • Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
  • Wives serve, brothers inherit.
  • Only fools pay retail.
  • There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
  • Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
  • Know your enemies ... but do business with them always.
  • Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
  • Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
  • Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
  • It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
  • The justification for profit is profit.
  • New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
  • Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
  • Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
  • Always know what you're buying.
  • Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
  • Latinum lasts longer than lust.
  • You can't buy fate.
  • Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
  • More is good ... all is better.
  • A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
  • A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
  • Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
  • When in doubt, lie.
  • Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
  • No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  • 2 comments:

    Sebo Stokes said...

    My favourite one is the last one. "No good deed goes unpunished"

    Tony Oliver said...

    Lol .. ur a trekkie