Russell Brand Quotes

"I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!"

"Even as a junkie I stayed true [to vegetarianism] - 'I shall have heroin, but I shan't have a hamburger.' What a sexy little paradox."

"It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you. No-one really feels self-confident deep down because it's an artificial idea. Really, people aren't that worried about what you're doing or what you're saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously: you must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you"

"Have you been out in society recently? 'Cause it's SHIT."

"Be led by your talent, not by your self-loathing; those other things you just have to manage."

"To this day, I feel a fierce warmth for women that have the same disregard for the social conventions of sexual protocol as I do. I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it's apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard."

"For me happiness occurs arbitrarily: a moment of eye contact on a bus, where all at once you fall in love; or a frozen second in a park where it's enough that there are trees in the world."

"All penguins are the same below the surface, which I think is as perfect an analogy as we're likely to get for the futility of racism"

"Life’s never a postcard of life, is it? It never feels like how you’d want it to look."

"I hope it is not necessary for me to stress the platonic nature of our relationship- not platonic in the purest sense, there was no philosophical discourse, but we certainly didn't fuck, which is usually what people mean by platonic; which I bet would really piss Plato off, that for all his thinking and chatting his name has become an adjective for describing sexless trysts. "

"My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through."

"Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies."

"From quite early on, I had this idea of compartmentalized identities - 'this is how you are when you are with your mum, and this is how you are when you are with your dad' - so it seemed like I could never absolutely be myself. And the image of myself as compromised and inconsistent made me want to withdraw from the world even further. I had a sense of formulating a paper-mache version of myself to send out in the world, while I sat controlling it remotely from some smug suburban barracks" 25."

"Say I feel all sad and self-indulgent, then get stung by a wasp, my misery feels quite abstract and I long just to be in spirtual pain once more - 'damn you tiny assain, clad in yellow and black, how i crave my former innocence where melancholy was my only trial'."

"I've always been a 'your parents have got to come up to the school' type of person. Even now, when I do something wrong - if I say something inappropriate on a live tv show, for example - I half expect to have to deliver a note to Barbara Brand: 'Please come up to Channel 4 head office, Russell's done something despicable."

"I like threesomes with two women, not because I'm a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I'm a romantic. I'm looking for "The One". And I'll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time."

"The light. The light is so bright that all that remains is you and the darkness. You can feel the audience breathing. It's like holding a gun or standing on a precipice and knowing you must jump. It feels slow and fast. It's like dying and being born and fucking and crying. It's like falling in love and being utterly alone with God; you taste your own mouth and feel your own skin and I knew I was alive and I knew who I was and that that wasn't who I'd been up till then. I'd been so far away but I knew I was home.(Pg. 89)"

"There was [really] little difference between someone acting throwing french fries in your face and someone throwing french fries in your face."

"Rebel children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory."

"I know that's the sort of thing people say and I really hate it when people say the sort of things people say. I always think, 'You don't mean that, you just think it sounds good'" 289."

"We all need something to help us unwind at the end of the day. You might have a glass of wine, or a joint, or a big delicious blob of heroin to silence your silly brainbox of its witterings but there has to be some form of punctuation, or life just seems utterly relentless."

"I want to change the word, and do something valuable and beautiful. I want people to remember me before Im dead, and then more afterwards."

"Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do."

"What I've learnt - to my cost - on several occasions in my life, is that people will put up with all manner of bad behaviour so long as you're giving them what they want. They'll laugh and get into it and enjoy the anecdotes and the craziness and the mayhem as long as you're going your job well, but the minute you're not, you're fucked. They'll wipe their hands of you without a second glance. - 195"

"... And drinking neat liquor from the bottle, with all my long hair and my shirt undone and my beads, not so much the lizard king, more a gecko duchess, I fitted in nicely with their idea of what a creative person should be."

"People don't realize that the future is just now, but later."

"Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws."

"I've never had a sustained period of medication for mental illness when I've not been on other drugs as well. It's just not something that I particularly feel I need. I know that I have dramatically changing moods, and I know sometimes I feel really depressed, but I think that's just life. I don't think of it as, "Ah, this is mental illness," more as, "Today, life makes me feel very sad." I know I also get unnaturally high levels of energy and quickness of thought, but I'm able to utilize that."

"If you strip away self-effacement, charm and the spirit of mischief-qualities that make determination and ambition tolerable- you're left with a right ar**hole."

"And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought to be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet."

"I get fixated when I'm bleeding- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When i cut myself, the drama of it calms me down."

"Life's never a postcard of life, is it? It never feels like how you'd want it to look."

"From quite early on, I had this idea of compartmentalised identities - 'This is how you are with your mum, and this is how you are with your dad' - so it seemed like I could never absolutely be myself. And this image of myself as compromised and inconsistent made me want to withdraw form the world even further. I had a sense of formulating a papier-mache version of myself to send out in the world."